BitterSweet
by The Sorrows of Arlathan
Summary: "Never trust a Shem": Navarre grew up with a healthy mistrust of all humans. Now she finds herself in an unknown human world, abandoned by those she had once called family, forced to battle the Blight. With a bitter tongue and hostile attitude she has taught her companions to keep their distance. When her past comes back to haunt her though she starts to fall. Only one can save her
1. Chapter 1

_Have a serious backlog of stories at the minute. Going to give this one a chance. Let me know what you think :)_

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"Stay away from me, Shem!"

The human hand removed itself almost instantly. I lay shaking, staring at the...thing...in front of me. It couldn't have been him. He was dead...The Grey Warden had said so. But now he's here...Or was. Alistair's sword was buried in his back. I couldn't breath. Black blood stained the grass. Tainted blood. His blood...and mine. His flesh had rotted, hair gone, eyes white. They stared at me deadly. Bile rose in my throat. I realised I was crying.

"Navarre?"

I was frozen with shock. My head began to go light. _Is this what it feels like to panic?_ I could sense the others behind me. Another hand touched my shoulder, male this time.

"Don't touch me!"

I got to my feet. _I can't bear this any longer_. As far as my legs would take me, I ran. There was yelling behind me, calling me back but I ignored them. I reached the trees. The leaves and branches cut at my pale skin as I ran from my past. My bare feet sank into the wet mud. The lake was close by. I would sit there. I could see it sparkle in the distance, the stars reflecting off its calm surface. _Calm._

I ran to the edge, falling to my knees and looking at my face in the depths, hyperventilating. My eyes were wide, electric blue. Blood was pouring from my lip and forehead. I picked up the water in both hands and splashed my face. I stared at the ripples the water made as it dripped from my hair. _Mythal, he was alive all this time!? Why did I listen to Duncan? _The Shem's face appeared in my mind. I thought he was trying to help me. A poor little elven girl, suffering from blight sickness. But all he cared about was getting his damn recruit. _Never trust a Shem. They're all the same. _If he wasn't already dead I'd have killed him myself.

But the Keeper had trusted him. The way she spoke of him was almost with reverence. _Forget the Keeper. She abandoned you. They all did. _ Suddenly I was angry, angry at Duncan, angry at the Keeper...angry at myself. _Why didn't I continue the search? I knew he was still alive, I could feel it in my heart. _More tears fell from my eyes and landed in the lake. I wiped them away impatiently and clutched the edge of the bank, sinking my nails into the mud. _Stop crying, Navarre. You have no right!_

His face appeared in my thoughts again...what was left of it any way. The skin was blackened...but the tattoo was unmistakable. We shared it after all. His dead eyes were judgemental as they stared lifelessly back at me. Why had I left him to die? We were supposed to look out for each other. But I had betrayed him...and Duncan had betrayed me. I once thought of the Shem with respect. He had seemed like a good man, for a human. In the end though, all he cared about was battling the Blight. He tricked me, and for all my cunning I had fell for it. I left my closest friend and first love to a terrible fate to save a world which had no love for me or my people.

I turned my head to the sky and screamed in anguish, frustration and sorrow, not caring who heard me. All the gods and goddesses in the world and nobody cared. I had offered the Creators prayer and thanks my whole life and in return I got nothing. My scream echoed throughout the forest disturbing the silence of the night. A few birds vacated nearby trees, annoyed at the interruption. Suddenly a twig broke behind me. With lightening quick reflexes I lifted my bow and swung round on my knees, aiming an arrow at the figure standing a few metres from me. The woman drew her dagger at almost exactly the same time, startled by my hostility.

"Sorry if I scared you" she said. The accent was Orlesian. _Leliana_. She held up her hand in surrender. I didn't lower my bow but stared at her as she cautiously walked forwards.

"Stay where you are!"

She froze as the string on my bow tightened in warning. Her eyes looked wary as they took in my face._ Give me a reason, Shem. I beg you!_

"I...I just came to see if you were alright" Leliana said gently.

Her words infuriated me. "Do not pretend you care about me, Shem! I know your kind."

Leliana looked hurt. "I'm not pretending...I'm here for you."

I snorted in derision, my arrow still aimed at her heart. She tried to take another step towards me.

"I said don't move!"

"Navarre...I'm your friend. You can trust me" she said earnestly. _Trust_? My blood boiled. I pulled the arrow back further, putting more pressure on the bow string until it threatened to snap. My eyes bore into hers.

"You're no friend of mine, Shem!" I spat. "I have no friends...and I can trust no one."

I released my arrow. Leliana swung her dagger faster than I had ever seen her move before and knocked it right of out the air. I paused for a second, shocked by her strength. Our eyes met, both of us surprised at the other. Before she spoke I ran.

"Wait!" she called after me.

I ran past the lake, stopping when hidden in the trees again. I listened for her footsteps. _Silence_. She wasn't following. I exhaled and sunk down on to the grass. She must have followed me from camp. _Why though? _I pondered Leliana's actions. The Shem's behaviour was confusing indeed. She had often tried to speak to me on our travels but I had no interest in her company. I had no interest in the company of any of them. Alistair with his stupid jokes and endless sarcasm, the old woman who felt the need to constantly give advice, the wild witch and her snide comments, a drunken dwarf and a giant beast from the north. I simply tolerated them for the good of our quest. And for all of his claims of friendship, how come Zevran was not the one to seek me out? Damn flat ears! Sometimes they are worse than the Shems. Was there no one in this world I could trust? _You trusted him, _I reminded myself. _But he was different. _We grew up together, were raised to be hunters together. He had not broken the trust in that relationship, I had. Another tear fell down my face. Suddenly I didn't want to sit there any longer. I picked up my bow and wrapped it over my shoulder, walking back to camp.

Much to my dismay, everyone was wide awake after tonight's events. It would be hard to fall back to sleep after a Darkspawn ambush. Alistair and Wynne sat around the newly lit fire. Zevran and Oghren were drinking. Even Morrigan stood around the main campfire instead of at her own. Sten and Shale stood guard in case of any more surprise attacks. Leliana sat on the ground a short distance away with my Mabari Shadowfang. She was leaning back on her arms and staring up at the stars.

Those around the fire looked up as I passed. Wynne stood and eyed me with sympathetic eyes. _If she tries to give me advice I'm going to put an arrow in her eye._ I walked past them before they could speak. I sat on my bedroll with my back to them all. Reaching into my backpack I produced a small elven artefact and examined it. It brought back memories of being in the forest with _him_. We had confiscated it from the Shemlens after chasing and killing them. If we hadn't of found them then we would never have found that damn cave. _I wish I could have killed them before they told us of the cave. Then I wouldn't be here alone, with prying human eyes on me... and he wouldn't be dead. _

I remembered aiming my arrow at them, seeing the terrified look in the Shem's eyes before I took their lives. Why did I kill them? _Because I had to. Because when I looked into their eyes I saw my clan burn for being on their land. If I didn't kill them they would drive us out. _ A nagging doubt entered my brain. Was I kidding myself? Did I kill those Shems for another reason?

My eyes flicked up and gazed over at Leliana again. She was massaging her wrist and twisting it around as though trying to get rid of a sprain. Suddenly a wave of guilt washed over me. _I tried to kill her?_ I have travelled with the Orlesian woman for over half a year. I no longer have a clan to protect and I knew she wasn't going to hurt me. It was pure rage...and hatred. Not for her but for what she represented: Humans. The Shemlen had killed and enslaved my people purely out of spite..._Am I becoming just like them?_ I shook the thought from my mind, however the guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach did not disappear. I got up and walked over to where Leliana sat.

Shadowfang stood up as I approached and wagged his little tail. Leliana looked around to see what had caught his attention. She sprung to her feet when she saw me, her hand touching the handle of the dagger at her waist, ready to use it if necessary. I paused a few feet from her, feeling no desire to go any closer.

"Do not be alarmed Shem. I don't want to hurt you."

Leliana relaxed slightly and her hand fell from the dagger.

"What do you want Navarre?" she asked sadly. "You made it very clear you don't want my company."

My eyes fell. "I...I came to...to apologise...for before."

I looked up. Leliana stared at me surprised. _Why does she look so shocked? Humans apologise to each other right? _A moment of stunned silence passed before she answered.

"Why did you try to kill me?" she asked. "Don't you trust me after all this time?"

I shook my head, my jaw tightened. "I don't trust anyone anymore...especially not a Shemlen."

A hurt expression appeared on her face once more. "You know, not all humans are alike. I am sure the same could be said for elves."

"I...I'm beginning to see that" I admitted, staring at her intently. "I am sorry for any pain I may have caused you." I gestured to her wrist with my head. Deflecting my arrow had clearly caused it some discomfort. "I will not trouble you further Shem." I turned and began to walk away.

"Navarre wait!" she called after me. I turned to meet her again. She looked at me as though she understood the mistrust and sorrow in my eyes. "Sit with me."

I looked at her warily as she sat herself back down on the grass. _Why would she want to spend time with me? I almost killed her. _I walked a few paces towards her and sat on the grass, leaving a few feet between us.

"You can come closer you know" Leliana said. "I won't bite." I stared as her, trying to read her expression. _Human behaviour is so confusing._ I shifted forwards slightly, though still maintaining a safe distance from her. She smiled slightly, as though trying not to laugh. We sat in silence for several minutes.

"Are you alright?" she asked softly, looking in to my eyes as though they held the answer. I dropped my gaze, uncomfortable with her staring.

"I'm..." I tried to think of a word but none come to me. A lump formed in my throat. Looking back at her I realised that she was still staring at me. I shrugged, unable to think of how to respond.

"He...was a friend of yours?" she asked, referring to the tormented shriek which had attacked me during the ambush. I tilted my head as I pondered her question, my eyes narrow. _How does she know of such things? That was not just a wild guess._ Noticing my suspicious expression, she continued.

"Alistair told me of him. He was part of your clan wasn't he? His name was T-"

"Don't!" I said loudly. _I can't bear to hear his name. _My eyes began to water and I looked away swallowing hard. This was not unnoticed by Leliana.

"I'm sorry" she said softly. Slowly she reached out and touched my arm. I flinched away from her.

"Don't touch me Shem!" I said bitterly, as a tear fell down my cheek. Leliana looked at me sympathetically. _I wish she wouldn't._

"Why do you call me Shem?" she asked offended.

"For that is what you are" I replied firmly, "An outsider. You do not know me Shem...Do not pretend to."

Leliana looked affronted. "I was not pretending to know you...I was trying to understand you."

I looked back at her, confused. _A shemlen trying to understand an elf?_ "Don't your people just prefer to slaughter us rather than understand us?"

Leliana smirked slightly. "That coming from an elf who tried to kill me not half an hour ago?"

_Mythal, I walked into that one. _"Do you blame me?" I asked angrily. "The only knowledge I have of your kind is of the countless elves you've killed or enslaved. And you say I can trust you? I do not know much else of your kind to convince me that I can."

Leliana stared at me intently. "You don't have much experience with humans do you?"

I shook my head. _It doesn't take a genius to work that out. _"Nor do I want to. Any experience I've had usually ends up being bad."

"Well then...why are you here?" she asked.

"To apologise"

"No" Leliana said, suppressing a giggle and shaking her head. "I mean why are you here battling the Blight with humans you don't trust and a human world you don't care for?"

I hesitated. "Because..." I looked into her eyes. "Battling the Blight is...all I've got left in this world." I stood up and turned away, brushing the fresh tear from my cheek. "Goodnight Shem." I said walking away without looking at her.

"Navarre?"

I stopped and turned my head slightly to show I was listening.

"Call me Leliana."

I continued walking, followed by Shadowfang, feeling Leliana's eyes on me as I went. As I wrapped myself up in my bedroll I stole another quick glance at her. She sat staring up at the stars. She seemed to do it quite often. _Like myself_. Maybe we weren't as different as I had imagined. I closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep to avoid any conversation from the others. They had been watching my interaction with Leliana. After several hours they eventually went to bed. When the camp was empty, I opened my eyes and rolled onto my back. It was well past dawn. The sky was a very light blue, the sun beginning to rise behind the clouds. I caught sight of the dying silhouette of the moon above my head. I watched as it faded, along with the happy memories I once had of my clan. _I'm on my own now... forever. _I stared into the abyss for the rest of the night as the others slept soundly around me.

The first to awake was Alistair. He exited his tent and began to prepare breakfast. I rose out of my bedroll and joined him at the fire. He looked up at me brightly and smiled slightly. I stared back at him straight-faced and placed myself on a log, unable to return the expression.

"Good morning. How did you sleep?" he asked, handing me a plate of bread and cheese.

"I didn't", I replied bluntly, ignoring the food.

He sat the plate on the ground, getting the point. "No I...I don't suppose you did..." he said sadly. He looked up at me and gazed at me intently before speaking. "It...It was a mercy you know. He was suffering."

My eyes found his. _He wants desperately for me to understand why he killed him._

"I know" I answered, my voice breaking. A look of relief crossed Alistair's face. _He thought I would blame him_, I realised. _He doesn't know that I'm the one to blame. _We stopped talking as the others exited their tents and joined us at the fire. Wynne watched me in silence as she and the others ate, concerned no doubt by my lack of appetite. I cast a glance around the others. The way they averted their eyes made me think they were watching me when I wasn't looking. I felt uncomfortable and got up, walking back to my bedroll to pack my things.

We left for Redcliffe after breakfast to meet with Arl Eamonn and tell him of the success with the Grey Warden treaties: we now have an army to fight the Darkspawn. I led my companions along the path. None of them mentioned the night before. _Good...I don't want to relive it_. Suddenly something red caught the corner of my eye, reflecting in the morning sun. I turned to my right to see Leliana walking beside me. My eyebrows narrowed in confusion. _No one ever walks beside me. I'm not much conversation. _She turned to me and threw me a small smile. I turned my gaze forwards, unsure of how to respond.

"I would ask how you were but...That would be silly of me" she said, after walking beside me for a few minutes, realising I wasn't going to speak.

I sighed. "Yet you asked me anyway." I replied irritated, still focusing on the road ahead. I saw her smirk out of the corner of my eye.

"Well...In a way, I suppose I did." She chuckled to herself and stared back at me. "You wouldn't tell me the truth anyway though would you?" she asked. I said nothing. She giggled softly again. I could almost hear her confirm her prediction.

"I understand you better than you think, Navarre."

This got my attention. I turned to her angrily.

"Oh do you, Shem?" I spat. "Other than my name what else do you know about me?"

The smile on Leliana's face faded. "I know there is a certain severity to you. I know deep down though you have a good heart. I know you feel alone and betrayed...And I know you blame yourself for Ta-...for _his _death."

My mouth fell open slightly as I looked at her questioningly. _How does she know such things? _The smile appeared back on her face.

"It's your eyes" she said softly, answering my unasked question. "They give you away."

I looked away from her instantly and focused on the road again. She continued to watch me as I processed her response. I kept my face straight, unwilling to involuntarily give her any more information. We walked for several minutes before she spoke again.

"I don't know if I can make you feel better Navarre...but I do know this..." I looked back at her. She stared into my eyes. I suddenly felt naked. A moment passed between us which felt like an eternity. "You don't have to feel alone anymore," she finished.

I stopped walking and froze, my gaze dropping to the gravel below our feet. _I don't? _Leliana continued walking, leading the others into Redcliffe Village. The others looked back at me, confused at my sudden halt. I hurried up to meet them, still thinking about what she had said.

Arl Eamonn greeted us at Castle Redcliffe. He immediately prepared wagons to take us all safely to Denerim for the landsmeet. I felt myself lull to sleep with the gentle vibration of the wheels driving over the gravel. Suddenly, as I was drifting in and out of sleep, I heard my name being mentioned.

"...just hope Navarre will be alright. That was quite a shock for anyone what happened last night." Alistair whispered.

"She had no idea he was alive?" Wynne asked. "The poor dear, I'm worried about her. She's always so closed off. It makes it hard for anyone to comfort her."

"She didn't sleep at all last night." Alistair replied. "And she had nothing for breakfast either. It's good she's getting some sleep now. She looked terrible this morning."

"I just wish there was something we could do", Wynne said with a sigh. "But she's so distrustful of humans. Even Zevran cannot get her to open up."

"Well...Maybe Leliana can." Alistair said. "You saw them talking earlier. She even walked with her. And what was even more amazing was that Navarre allowed her to."

Wynne considered this. "Well that's something at least. I hate to think of her being so alone."

I fell back to sleep then as the voices swirled around in my head.

Loud noises jarred me from my sleep. A woman was screaming and there was shouting all around. Someone shook me awake roughly.

"Navarre! Darkspawn!", Alistair said urgently. My eyes flung open and I immediately followed him out of the wagon, my bow in hand, ready for action. The wagon in front of ours was surrounded as the others fought to keep the Darkspawn away from Lady Isolde and Conner. We rushed to the scene at once. I grabbed arrows from my quiver and shot them at the oncoming horde one after the other. A few Darkspawn fell to the ground. The fighting broke out all around. The sound of swords smashing against shields broke the quiet of the evening as I ran towards the others, throwing my bow over my shoulder and withdrawing my daggers from their sheaths.

I swung my left blade at the closest Genlock, cutting of its head. A Hurlock lunged at me with its sword then. I dodged and buried my other dagger in its torso the whole way up to the handle until we were face to face. I could smell its putrid breath as it screamed in pain and fell limply on my blade. I screamed back and kicked it off with my foot and continued cutting through the rest, their blood spraying me as I tore them down. I could see the others fighting around me and felt a bolt of lightening pass my face as Morrigan cast a spell at the Darkspawn behind me.

After several minutes there was silence, the last of the horde having been killed. I stood breathing heavily, the muscles in my arms burning from the fight. My companions stood around the wagon, catching their breaths as well, all of us dripping in the black blood. Alistair approached me.

"I think that's the last of them. We should..." As he continued speaking I noticed Leliana over his shoulder. _Something is moving behind her in the distance. _Without thinking I pushed roughly past Alistair and ran towards her. It seemed to take me an eternity to reach her even though she was only a few feet away. An arrow flew through the air. It was travelling towards her. I dived through the air and knocked her to the ground, landing on top of her. The arrow flew harmlessly over our heads. I felt my hair lift as it blew past, barely missing my head. Instinctively, I grabbed my bow from around my shoulder and reached for an arrow, sending it soaring through the air before it buried itself in the Hurlock's head. It hovered on its feet, stunned by my lightening quick reflexes, and then fell to the ground, dead.

A moment past as everyone stood stunned at what had just happened. I looked down. Leliana stared up at me with wide eyes, surprised by my sudden movement. Everything had unfolded in the blink of an eye. She sat up slightly and looked behind her where the last Darkspawn lay in a bloody heap, then back to me, hypnotised by my eyes._ Mythal,_ _I bet they are glowing._

"Sorry" I mumbled, getting up from where I knelt protectively over her. I avoided the others questioning stares and walked back to the wagon with my head down. My eyes turned electric blue when emotions overcame me. I had learned to control it but sometimes when I reacted on instinct they changed colour. The Keeper suspected it was a result of the dormant magic which resided in me. My father had been a mage after all and while he had not passed on the gift to me, his blood ran in my veins.

I reached the wagon and climbed inside. Looking outside, I saw Alistair reach out a hand and pulled Leliana to her feet. Everyone retreated back to the wagons, still in shock at what I had just done.

I closed my eyes, not wanting to encourage conversation, as Alistair and Wynne climbed into the wagon and seated themselves beside me. _Why did I save her? Put myself in danger for a human?_ My head swam with questions I had no answers to. I felt the wagon move again and tried to go back to sleep but it proved more difficult after the combat high. I opened my eyes and stared out of the wagon. We had been on the road for the whole day but it was getting dark. It would take us a few days to reach Denerim. We would need to make camp soon.

"Navarre?"

I reluctantly turned my head. Alistair smiled at me. "That was amazing what you did earlier. I've never seen anyone move so quickly. Leliana owes you her life."

"The Shem owes me nothing." I replied coldly, looking back out of the wagon again. "I don't know why I did it."

"You don't know why? She was going to die. Isn't that reason enough?" he asked amazed.

"You like her don't you, Navarre?" Wynne interrupted.

My temper flared again. "The Shem means nothing to me, Mage. I acted on instinct." _And my instinct compels me to save a Shemlen's life? What is happening to me?_

"For what ever reason you did it, Navarre, it was done. That must mean something, whether you realise it or not" Wynne continued. _Ugh! The elderly Mage is irritating in her predictions. Always ready to give advice but never willing to take it._

"You don't know me Mage. Go throw your predictions elsewhere." I replied bluntly. Wynne sighed in defeat.

"Did you know your eyes glow?" Alistair asked childishly._ By the Creators, can I not catch a break from this endless chatter?_

"Really Warden? I hadn't noticed." Alistair chuckled.

"Was that sarcasm, Navarre? And there's me thinking you had no sense of humour", he said mockingly

"You noticed Shem? And there's me thinking you had no sense in general." I replied.

"Ouch! Touché" He said chuckling. "What I meant was, why do your eyes glow?"

"For more reasons I care to share with you, Warden."

"Why do you call us all by our titles and not by our names?" he asked. _Of all the wagons and I had to pick this one with endless questions._

"I do not care for your names, Warden. Call yourselves what you wish."

"We call you by your name. Is it not right to show the same respect?" he asked.

"I have no respect for Shemlens."

With that response the conversation was killed. I closed my eyes again, feeling the gently shake of the wagon put me to sleep once more.


	2. Chapter 2

An hour later the wagons came to a stop. _Thank The Creators! Those two don't ever stop talking. _We exited to find Arl Eamonn walking towards us along with Isolde and Conner. Isolde threw me a curious glare. It was clear she didn't approve of me as an elf, even though I was a Grey Warden. Now that she had seen me in action, saving them from being slaughtered, I had become a source of interest for her. _Great._

"We will stop here for the night Grey Wardens and continue our journey in the morning." Eamonn said. I nodded my head to show I understood. Conner, the human child, was smiling up at me, clearly in awe. _Damn, another admirer._

"I'll collect wood for the fire." I said, eager to escape.

"I'll come with you."

Leliana was walking towards us, having just exited her carriage. I avoided her gaze and walked towards the forest, hearing her light footsteps behind me as she followed. I knew the others were watching us. They began gathering the tents to pitch them, whispering as we passed. _They aren't the only ones who find it strange that this Shem wants to spend time with me._ Enveloped in the trees, I took out my dagger and began to cut branches to get firewood. We scavenged in silence for a few minutes. I was bracing myself for what she might ask me. I kept my head down, trying to discourage conversation.

"Why did you do it Navarre?" Leliana asked suddenly.

"Do what?" I asked absentmindedly, bending over to pick up the wood. I still didn't look at her. A hand placed itself on my arm, stopping me.

"You know what I'm talking about."

I hesitated, wanting nothing more than to pull from her grip but was unable to due to the large amount of wood in my arms. "It was instinct, Shem, nothing more." I said coldly. The hand did not move.

"Look at me" she whispered. _Please don't make me. I feel like an open book ever time I do._ I turned slowly and reluctantly until my eyes found hers. _Does the Shem stare at everyone like that?_ Her blue eyes bore into mine. Once again I felt exposed. "Why?"

"I...I don't know..."

Leliana searched my face for a clue but there was none. I really didn't know why I saved her. It was a completely instinctive reaction. I gestured to her hand on my arm.

"Let go of me."

She slowly moved her hand but instead of retracting it she reached up placed it on my cheek. _What is she doing?_ I flinched as she touched me, screwing up my face in confusion. Her hand was warm as it caressed my cheek.

"Thank you..." she said sincerely, staring into my eyes.

I swallowed hard, frozen in shock at this strange gesture. Unable to stand it any longer I dropped the logs to the ground and began to walk away. _That was too close for comfort._

"Navarre..." she called, regretfully. I didn't look back, wanting nothing more than to escape. _What just happened between us?_ When I was out of her view, I felt the side of my face that she had touched. It was cold now. My hand fell away. A part of me wished I had never saved her. It would have saved me all this unwanted attention at the very least. I continued walking, not in the direction of camp but I didn't want to go back yet. Being in the forest brought back a strange sensation of home. I missed the wild nature of the world. Human cities held nothing of interest for me. I looked up at the trees, feeling a sense of release as the leaves blew gently in the wind. _Why would you hide away under buildings when the natural world is as beautiful as this? And the humans think I am ignorant._

A while later I returned to camp. Leliana was already back and everyone was seated around the fire. The camp looked up as I passed, all except Leliana. The one thing I did like about her was that she never stared at me just for the sake of it like the others. _I think she knows it makes me uncomfortable. _For everyone else, I was the source of their curiosity. Some of their stares were cautious, some condescending and others in awe. I glared back at them all. _By The Creators what are they all looking at?_ I seated myself on the vacated spot beside Leliana, feeling uneasy as soon as I sat down.

"Where are your shoes?" The child asked me suddenly.

"Conner!" Lady Isolde scolded, throwing me another angry glare. _What did I do?_

"But Mother, you said the elves are supposed to wear green shoes!" The boy replied, looking confused. "Navarre doesn't have any shoes."

"The Grey Warden is not like other elves, Conner," Arl Eamonn informed his son. "She is one of the nomadic Dalish. Fearsome warriors they are. Few can stand against them!"

"We are not warriors, Arl!" I interrupted, insulted by his interpretation of us. _I'm tired of this damn notion that we are all bandits!_ The already tense atmosphere around the camp suddenly became even more so. Everyone looked up from their conversations at me. Arl Eamonn hesitated, seemingly embarrassed.

"I...Begging your pardon, Grey Warden. I...I had meant the words as a compliment" he answered, smiling kindly.

"We do not need compliments from humans. Especially not those which are untrue" I replied coldly. Arl Eamonn nodded in acknowledgment. Isolde however got to her feet.

"You dare-!"

"Isolde!" Arl Eamonn said, getting to his feet also and placing a hand on her arm. He shook his head. "The Dalish are entitled to defend themselves against our...misinformed interpretation of them." He smiled at me and nodded, showing he understood my outburst and trying to diffuse the situation. Isolde looked at her husband, then to me. He patted her arm and they re-seated themselves. She stared at me icily across the fire. _That's right Shem, take a seat and shut your mouth!_

After a moment of awkward silence, the elven servants Lady Isolde brought with her immediately began to prepare supper. _Slaves_, I thought disgustedly. I glared at Isolde who sat on a log covered with a blanket, afraid to dirty her precious clothes. I bunched up my fists in anger. Leliana beside me noticed my reaction, and placed a hand on my arm as I opened my mouth to speak out. She gave me a look of caution. I shook out of her touch, but said nothing. _As if my words would change anything anyway. The Shemlen Lords and Ladies would not take heed of an elf, even if I am a Grey Warden. _I continued to glare at Isolde as the servants worked around us. I saw Leliana exhale with relief when she realised I had heeded her warning.

Suddenly a plate of food distracted me. I turned to see who was holding it under my nose and found myself staring into the face of a small elven girl.

"Are you hungry, my lady?" she asked timidly. My jaw dropped as I took in her appearance. She was a little younger than me, with blonde hair and green eyes. Her slender body looked under fed and I could see her ribcage through her clothes. It was the first time I had seen an elven slave up close. I suddenly felt sick.

"Ma serannas" I replied without thinking. She stared at me quizzically, confused at my use of elven language. _She mustn't understand. City elves don't speak elven. _"Thank you" I said in the common tongue, taking the plate from her. She retreated from me, a look of relief crossing her face. I looked down at my plate and then back at the tiny elf knowing her portion was going to be a lot smaller. _She should be eating this, not me_. I reluctantly began to eat as the clink of cutlery sounded around me.

A few people started conversation through supper. I ate in silence, ignoring everyone as I usually did. I soon found myself replaying the night before. Blackened and rotted skin, dead eyes, the torturous way _he _spoke. I closed my eyes, reliving every blow as _he_ struck me. I didn't even try to defend myself, knowing I would never be able to kill _him. _I could still see the moment in my mind, when Alistair's sword was lodged in _his _back and the crumpled heap in which _he_ landed. Broken. When I had finished my food, I found I wanted to be on my own. I left my plate on the ground and walked away from camp, receiving more questioning stares. The child Conner smiled up at me again. I didn't know how to respond.

I seated myself on the grass a short distance away from camp, away from prying eyes. _And they wonder why I prefer to be on my own? _My thoughts fell on my clan once more. _Where are they now? _I never thought that the Keeper would have cast me out like this. It was a punishment, I was sure of it. She wasn't happy when she had found out we had killed those Shemlen after they told us about the cave. The Keeper was weak though. She always bowed down to the human laws. She would never understand. Humans who strayed too close to our camp were the same humans who wouldn't hesitate in striking us down. They didn't have the sense or the fear in them to stay away and therefore posed a danger to us.

I stared down at the ring the Keeper had given me when I left to become a Grey Warden. My once happy thoughts of Marathari were becoming poisoned. _This is all you give someone after you cast them off, stripping them of everything they have ever known, and ordering them to battle a Blight?_ I pulled the ring from my finger and threw it away in anger.

"Isn't that a Keeper's ring?"

I jumped at the voice and turned to see Leliana standing behind me.

"What would you know about it, Shem?" I asked roughly, trying to mask my sadness. I turned away from her. She walked towards me and seated herself beside me.

"I noticed the same one on the hand of Zathrian" she said. "Is there a reason you're throwing it away?"

"No reason that I'd care to share with you. I don't want your company. I don't want to talk human. I want to be on my own." I said getting up and started to walk away.

"See, I don't think that you do", Leliana said suddenly, getting to her feet and following me. I stopped and turned to her in disbelief. _What did she just say? _She stopped in her tracks, a short distance away, cautious to approach me. I glared at her, feeling insecure as she stared back at me. "Why do you keep running away from everyone?"

"I'm not running away from anything!" I shouted angrily, feeling myself loose control. "Is there no where I can go without people observing my every move? Can you not leave me to my grief?"

I ran my hands through my hair and leaned back against the tree, sliding down beside it. I struggled against my sobs, covering my face in my hands. _I'm tired of these games. I'm tired of it all...I just want to go home._ Leliana came to me and sat down beside me again. She gently pried my hands away from my face and placed a hand on my cheek like she had done before, forcing me to look at her. I'm sure she could see the tears building in my eyes. I fought them back as she stared at my tortured expression.

"Don't," I said hoarsely, brushing her hand away, feeling like I would melt under her touch. I shook my head. She retracted her hand and rested it on my leg instead. I tensed up and stared at it before looking up at her.

"What do you want from me?" I asked dejectedly. _She doesn't stare at me the way the others do, _I realised as she looked into my eyes.

"...A chance" she replied.

"A chance to what?" I asked confused.

"To earn your trust", she said. I stared at her bewildered.

"Why?"

She sighed. "Because I don't think we're all that different...Because I...never mind..." She looked away from me then, gazing out into the distance.

"Because what?" I asked. _Don't just start a sentence and not finish it._

She looked sad and her eyes dropped to the grass where she sat. She ran her hand along it gently. "...Because you're not the only one who feels alone."

I couldn't help but stare at her. It was then I realised that she looked just a miserable as I felt. I had just never noticed before, had never cared. _Was it possible that this Shem really did understand me?_ Before I could stop myself I reached out and placed a hand over the hand she had placed on my leg. She looked up at me surprised at my effort of comforting her. I withdrew my hand at once. It felt odd, awkward. She smiled, understanding.

"You're not very good at this are you?" she asked softly. I moved my legs up and curled my knees under my chin, resting my head on them, causing her hand to fall away from me.

"I used to be..." I said sadly, not looking at her.

"What happened to you?"

I lifted my head to look at her. "What do you mean?"

"You're so cold, Navarre. What happened to make you filled with so much hatred?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know..." We sat in silence for several minutes. The forest was quiet and calming. I missed the days of sitting around the camp fire listening to tales from the Hahren, or the nights I spent with..._him. _We would be on guard and have to stay awake the whole night. We normally spent the time joking around or talking about what we thought our lives would be like in the future. I could not have imagined it would be like this.

"You loved _him_...didn't you?" Leliana asked, bringing me back from my memories.

A tear streamed down my cheek. I was glad it was on the side of my face she couldn't see. I didn't answer. _Please stop questioning me._

"I understand" Leliana said. "Being in love changes us...for better or for worse."

"How would you know?" I asked sceptically.

"I've been in love...Marjolaine...She was a remarkable woman, or so I thought."

I raised my eyebrows and looked at her in surprise. "A woman?"

Leliana chuckled slightly and nodded. "The same woman we murdered in fact." The smile wiped off her face instantly, replaced with a painful grimace.

I cast my mind back. _Mercy of the Gods! That Marjolaine?_ I remembered the fashionable Shem from Orlais who we had murdered in Denerim for sending assassins after Leliana. I hadn't even asked why she wanted her dead or who she was. _I just relished the chance to kill another human. _

"So I guess we do have something in common after all..." I stated. Leliana looked up at me confused. Suddenly the realization came to her as the meaning of my words became clear.

"You didn't kill _him, _Navarre."

"I as good as killed _him_...and I would give anything to be where _he_ is now." I ran my hands through my hair again and buried my face.

"You mean...dead?" Leliana asked in disbelief, "Navarre...Why?"

I looked up at her. The frustration and anger I had been holding back became unleashed. "Because I have nothing left! All I had was _him. _My mother abandoned me when my father was killed by humans. All I have of them is this stupid family heirloom!" I jumped to my feet and tore the amulet from around my neck, throwing it in the same direction as Marethari's ring. I turned back to Leliana. She looked shocked at my sudden outburst and slightly afraid.

"My clan cast me away and forced me to become a Grey Warden and now I'm in a world surrounded by humans who detest me! I've been betrayed by _so_ many people I had trusted...And I betrayed the only person who had trusted me. I have no room in my heart for anything anymore, human!"

My voice echoed throughout the forest. I shook my head, angry with myself for telling her that and angry with her for asking. A tear leaked down Leliana's face. _Great, my eyes are glowing again. So much for keeping control over my emotions. _I covered them with my hand as though shielding the sun and turned away from her.

"Don't cover them up" Leliana said, following me as I walked away.

"Stop following me!" I shouted back at her.

"Navarre, please...don't go!"

"I mean it!" I shouted, turning to face her and taking my hand away from my eyes. I saw the amazement in her face as the full effect of my gaze hit her.

"They're beautiful." She said quietly, entranced. "Why do they do that?"

I shook my head. "No..." I answered bitterly. "Stop trying to get inside my head, human. My life is none of your concern!"

She reached out to me again. I moved back, feeling myself become even angrier.

"Leave me alone, Shem" I begged, shaking my head in warning. She stared at me sadly. I turned and walked away without another word, hearing no footsteps behind me. _Thank The Creators! _I stormed back to camp, wanting nothing more than to climb into my bedroll. I was greeted by an angry looking Alistair when I arrived. I walked past him even though I knew he wanted to talk.

"I need to speak with you, Navarre" he said, following me.

"Then speak" I answered dryly, not looking at him.

"You had no right to speak to Arl Eamonn like that!" he exclaimed furiously.

"I'll speak how I like, Warden," I replied. _This human needs to watch himself!_

"He is our only ally at this point and he is a good man. I will not stand for it, Navarre!"

"Then don't!" I answered, barely listening to him. I stopped at my tent and pulled out my bed roll. Alistair was still hovering over me. Morrigan was observing us from where she sat alone at the camp fire. I sat down.

"Why Duncan ever recruited you to the Grey Wardens I'll never know!" Alistair shouted. "You have no respect for anyone!"

"I have respect for those who deserve it, Shem" I replied. "And Duncan is last on my list so I really don't care what he thought!"

"Duncan saved you!" he exclaimed in disbelief. "And he is not worthy of your respect?"

"That Shem didn't save me! He saved himself. Saved himself the trouble of looking for another recruit by stripping me of my clan when I was most vulnerable and taking me away!" I shouted, beginning to get angry.

"Duncan was a hero!" Alistair shouted.

I snorted. "He did the same thing to you Warden, did he not? He stole you from the Chantry. You were easy prey, just like I was. Duncan was a vulture!"

Alistair became furious. "Duncan didn't 'steal' me! He saved me!"

"Tell me Warden, does your stupidity ever wear off?" I asked, "Because it's really starting to annoy me!"

Alistair glared at me and walked off, shaking with fury. I began to readjust my pillow behind me, glad to finally have some peace and quiet. Suddenly I heard Morrigan giggle.

"You know, I think I'm beginning to like you now" she said, her voice heavy with sarcasm as usual.

"Shut up, Witch!" I replied, before lying down in my bedroll and closing my eyes. I didn't see her reaction but heard her slam closed the giant tome she was poring over.

As much as I wanted to I just couldn't sleep. Leliana returned to camp a while later. I saw her sit down beside Alistair. I opened my eyes a crack and lay still, listening to their conversation.

"Hey" Alistair greeted her. "Where have you been?"

"Walking" Leliana answered simply. Alistair glanced over at me.

"Were you with Navarre?" he asked. Leliana shook her head.

"She wanted to be alone. I walked by myself."

"She's a right piece of work" Alistair said angrily. "I don't know why you bother."

Leliana turned to Alistair. "What do you mean?"

I listened as he went into the whole story of our argument. His face fell when he mentioned Duncan.

"Can you believe her?" he asked, upset. "Duncan was my friend. He was a great man...and she just spat all over his memory."

Leliana touched his arm. "I'm sorry Alistair."

He turned to look at her, covering her hand with his own. "Thanks. It feels good to have someone to talk to this about. No one else understands me the way you do."

If I hadn't been pretending to be asleep I would have rolled my eyes. _So that's what this is about then? He likes her. _I'm sure if he had of told the old woman that story she would have understood. The old mage loved giving advice. Leliana smiled at him.

"I'm sure Duncan would be proud of you, Alistair. He sounded like a good man."

"He was" Alistair replied. "Do me a favour and tell Navarre that next time you two have one of your chats." He nodded his head in my direction. Leliana pulled her hand away from his then. He looked at her confused.

"Did I say something wrong?" he asked. Leliana shook her head.

"Don't make me your go between Alistair" she said. "Navarre's not a bad person."

Alistair backtracked, realising she didn't feel the same aversion to me as he did. "No, that's not what I was saying at all. I mean it...I think it would just be better if she knew she did wrong you know? That way she can learn to interact with us better."

_Learn to interact better. What does that Shem think I am some wild beast needing to be tamed? _To my surprise, Leliana agreed with him.

"You're right" she said, "I do think she needs some experience in interacting with humans. She hasn't been around them much."

Alistair looked relieved he was back in her good books again. "Maybe we can both talk with her sometime. Like when we get to Denerim, we can have dinner together."

"Maybe" Leliana said. Alistair smiled. I knew the dinner he was referring to didn't include me. He was using me under the pretext of spending time with her. I don't know why but that bothered me. _That Shem is starting to annoy me even more now._ Not wanting to hear any more I rolled over and went to sleep.

The next morning I awoke to someone shouting my name.

"Navarre!"

I opened my eyes and sat up, knowing I had been shouting in my sleep. Zevran was sitting beside the fire as the others packed up their tents. He smiled at me, glad to see I was awake.

"Bad dreams, huh?"

I ignored him and got to my feet.

"What's gotten into you today?" he asked as I packed up my things.

"As opposed to my lack of ignorance any other day?" I asked sarcastically. Zevran laughed.

"That's more like it, my dear Warden."

"Don't call me that," I said angrily.

"I call you a Warden because that is what you are...Should I not?" he asked confused.

"No, you should not!" I replied. "I am not a Grey Warden. I am a Dalish."

Zevran chuckled. "Forgive me, my friend, but you look more like a Warden than a Dalish at the minute."

"Maybe so" I replied, "But I'll still be more Dalish than you'll ever be, Flat Ear."

"Fair enough" he said, "All I know about the Dalish is that my mother was one."

I turned back to him. "Really?" _He never mentioned that before._

"It's true!" he said. "She used to have gloves like yours. I got them when she died but...they were found by the whores who looked after me and I never saw them again."

He looked sad as he remembered. I'd always considered him to be a city elf through and through. Never once had I ever believed he could have Dalish blood in him. _It's not like it changes anything. He's as much Dalish as any other city elf. _I finished packing and slung my bag over my shoulder. Leliana was talking with Alistair beside the wagons. He was hanging on to her every word. I walked past them and climbed into the empty carriage.

A few minutes later Leliana got into the same wagon. Alistair was waiting to enter behind her. She turned to him.

"Can you get the next one?" she asked, apologetically. "Wynne wants to travel with you anyway. She said she wants to talk to you about something."

Alistair stared from me to Leliana and then retracted his foot from the carriage floor.

"Of course" he said, his face falling. "I forgot about that. See you soon."

"Thank you" Leliana called after him. He smiled at her as he walked away. Leliana exhaled and sat herself down on the chair facing me. We said nothing as the carriages began to move. I was thankful no one else had entered.

"The Warden likes you" I said suddenly, after we had been on the road for over an hour. Leliana turned to me.

"Which one?" she joked. I sighed. _I'll give her that one._

"The Shem" I replied, "The stupid Shem." I added to narrow it down for her. Leliana giggled.

"He's my friend," she said, shrugging. "Why wouldn't he like me?"

"You know what I mean" I replied. _I don't even know why I'm bothering to tell her this._

Leliana considered what I said. "Is that a bad thing?" she asked. _So she likes him too. _I suddenly felt stupid for bringing it up. It was none of my concern.

"Maybe" I replied, "If you don't feel the same way."

Leliana stared at me curiously. "Why are you telling me this?" she asked.

I shrugged. "I don't like him."

"But you like me?"

I considered her for a second.

"No."

To my surprise, Leliana laughed.

"I tell you just to warn you." I added.

"Well...Thank you," she said, smiling at me.

I looked away from her and stared out of the carriage at the passing world. I could feel her eyes on me still, obviously wondering why I had told her that, just as I was. _She seems vulnerable, and I don't like that Warden. He jokes too much. _Leliana began to search around in her back pack and produced freshly made sandwiches. She held one out to me.

"Hungry?" she asked. I looked at the food, feeling my stomach rumble.

"No" I replied, staring back out of the carriage again. She exhaled and began to eat her own. I continued daydreaming into the distance as the day grew darker around us.

After several hours I looked over at Leliana. She was lying sleeping along her chair. I looked down at my own chair. There was a sandwich sitting beside me. I stared back at her. She must have left it there when I turned it down before. I lifted the sandwich and inspected it. Human food was strange in taste. I was used to the food made by Dalish ways. After I was forced into becoming a Grey Warden I had to adjust, but some things still upset my stomach. Inside, there were only a few bits of lettuce and a strange slice of meat. I remember watching Leliana cook before. She tended to undercook meat just like some Dalish cooked. I heard that annoying Shem Alistair joke about it once, mocking her Orlesian ways. I raised the sandwich to my lips and took a bite. Strangely enough, it wasn't half bad. I relaxed into my chair and savoured the rest before eventually falling asleep myself.


	3. Chapter 3

We reached Denerim two days later. The rest of the nights at camp were just as unbearable as the first. I spoke to no one after leaving the carriage with Leliana, choosing to sit on my own away from all of them. The Arl and his wife kept their distance, though Isolde still threw me daggers across the camp. _Oh how I'd love to put her in her place! _The child however, continued to pester me. He had a habit of hovering around wherever I sat, simply staring at me with curiosity. Once, he went as far as to imitate me but one glare from me and a fierce growl from Shadowfang scared him off back to his parents. A few times Leliana sat with me at the little camp fire I had made for myself a short distance away from the others. I didn't object but I still felt uncomfortable. She tried to make conversation but after only getting one word responses from me she soon stopped, realising I wasn't willing to answer her questions. I was angry with myself for my outburst the first night at camp when we were alone in the forest together. _She got too close to me. I let her get under my skin. I can't let that happen again._

I was glad when we finally got to the Arl's estate in Denerim to be separated from them all. _I guess buildings are good for something after all. At least I can hide behind their walls and close the door, saving me from their stares. _Arl Eamonn provided me with a giant bedroom/ sitting room beside his. It was nice enough but I still preferred to sleep outside. I felt out of place in the fancy estate. _So this is where the Shemlen Lords rule over the lesser beings._ The only thing that interested me in the entire place was the library. I spent most of my time there, reading up on the history humans had documented about my kind. Most of their interpretations of the Dalish were inaccurate as I had expected, but they had some interesting information about the elves of old. _I wonder what the Keeper would say if she could read this. _Suddenly I felt smug. _So I know some things that Marethari doesn't._ I smiled to myself as I savoured the history which had been lost to our kind while relaxing on the giant windowsill of the library.

"Reading something interesting?"

I looked up from my book. Wynne and Alistair had just entered the library. The old Mage smiled at me but the Warden's face wore more of a smirk. The smile at my findings was wiped off my face at the sight of them. _By The Creators, the chattering pair are back again...Joy._

"Was that a smile Navarre? I didn't think you knew how to do that," Alistair joked. I glared at him and turned back to my book.

"Alistair..." Wynne sighed. I saw her shake her head out of the corner of my eye. _So she doesn't think his jokes are amusing either?_ They both sat down at the table beside where I sat. I acted like they were invisible. _Sometimes I wish they would do me the same courtesy._

"What are you reading?" Wynne asked.

"A book" I answered bluntly, without looking up. She chuckled. _These Shems seem to have a weird sense of humour._ Wynne stood up and began to browse the nearby shelves, leaving Alistair alone with me. He started fidgeting childishly, first with the candle and then by tapping his fingers on the table. _Mythal, I think he was sent to me by the God's as a punishment. _I felt his gaze on me as I tried to read.

"What are you staring at Shem?" I asked, still half focused on my book. I was tired of people doing it. _Isn't there some kind of rule that makes it impolite to stare? _

"Nothing," he replied, shrugging.

"Well then stare at nothing in some other direction than mine," I said angrily, turning the page. I was in the middle of reading a very interesting piece on ancient elves and was trying to concentrate. _I really wish I knew why people continued to fixate on me. My own people never considered me interesting enough to be studied this closely. _The Warden laughed.

"Feeling insecure are we, Navarre? I thought you didn't care what us 'Shem's' thought of you," he said in the same joking tone he always used.

"I don't Warden, but that doesn't mean I like being constantly under your gaze," I replied matter-of-factly. Alistair got to his feet and began searching the shelves closest to me. Wynne was at the other side of the room now, out of earshot.

"Maybe if you weren't so mysterious then we wouldn't do it," he said, running his finger along a few of the spines of the giant leather books. I looked up at him, finally distracted by his words.

"I'm not mysterious," I said, confused. _Who said I was mysterious? _He looked back at me, shocked that the idea of being mysterious had been news to me.

"Oh come on!" he exclaimed. "We've been travelling with you for almost a year now and we don't know a thing about you! You're a closed book, Navarre."

I turned back to my book then. _So that's what this is about. _"My life is none of your concern, human."

"I'm not just talking about _your_ life" he continued. "I mean, I never hear you speak of any thing or anyone from your past. You know, friends, family, people you've known...that sort of thing."

I exhaled in frustration and slammed my book shut angrily. I grabbed my things, beginning to pack them into my bag. _I can see where this conversation is leading. I need to get out of here before it gets there. _I had brought my journal and some ink to take notes on my findings but I saw that it was going to be impossible now with these Shems around. _I don't have to listen to this._

"Come on!" Alistair exclaimed as he watched me pack furiously. "Thatoffends you, does it?"

I rounded on him. "What exactly are you getting at?" I asked, referring to his other question. I realised my fists were clenched.

"I think you know," he said, walking closer to me. My eyes narrowed. _I was right._

"I don't want to talk about it Warden...Ever...And least of all with you!" I replied through gritted teeth. _He's pushing me... and I don't know how far I can bend._

"But you talk with Leliana," he said. "What's the difference?"

"I don't talk to her," I replied. "She talks to me. And I don't want to talk about _him _to you, her or anyone!"

Alistair smiled sympathetically at me. "I know you miss _him_," he said gently.

"Stop it!" I snapped. "She put you up to this, didn't she?" I nodded in Wynne's direction again. Alistair did his worst impression of looking shocked.

"Of course not!" he exclaimed. I shook my head in disbelief.

"Tell the old woman to stop fussing over me and keep her nose out of my business! Stop trying to fix me, Warden, I'm not broken, and I don't need help or advice from any of you!"

I lifted my bag and began to walk away. Alistair grabbed my arm.

"Navarre, you can't blame yourself for Ta-!"

I spun around and shoved him back against the book shelf with all my strength, holding him there by the scruff, our faces inches apart. Books toppled to the floor with the force of our struggle. My actions were clumsy but I had to stop him. _I can't hear his name...It hurts too much._

"What's going on?" Wynne shouted in surprise, running the length of the library to where I was standing with Alistair. She glanced from Alistair flat against the bookshelf to me standing facing him, a look of loathing on my face. "What's happened?"

I ignored her and leaned in towards Alistair threateningly.

"Don't _ever_ touch me again, human!" I snarled.

"Let him go, dear," Wynne said gently.

I pushed him once more as I released him and threw Wynne a threatening glare before readjusting my backpack and leaving the library. When I reached the hallway, I broke into a run towards my bedroom. I had lost control again. _But the Shem pushed me too far. _Even so, I shouldn't have struck him. _He deserved it though. _Reaching my bedroom door I pushed it open too forcefully, causing it to ricochet against the stone wall. Pieces of the brick fell to the ground. Suddenly there was a voice behind me.

"Warden, are you alright?"

It was Arl Eamonn. He was on his way out of his study. I turned to face him.

"I'm fine," I replied stiffly. He walked towards me.

"Good," He said. "I was looking for you. We need to spread our support in Denerim for the upcoming landsmeet you know, talk to the nobles and see who will support us."

I exhaled in frustration. _Does he really think I am going to do this? Does he actually think I would be good at this? I can't stand the humans I travel with, let alone human nobles who I don't know. _

"Kissing the ass of a nobleman sounds like a job for a human Warden, Arl. As a Dalish it would be offensive to ask me to do this, and I think I would more likely offend them rather than gain their support."

Arl Eamonn considered my response, chuckling slightly at the choice of words I had used, and then nodded. "Very well, Navarre. You have a point. I'll ask Alistair to do it. I suppose it would look better coming from him seeing as he is Maric's son. "

Without waiting further I entered my bedroom and closed the door behind me. I rested my back against it, still shook up from my encounter with Alistair. That wasn't going to help our already strained relationship. As much as he irritated me, we had to work together. _It's a pity he wasn't a bit brighter at least. An unborn Dalish child has more brains than him. _I dropped my bag to the floor, suddenly noticing that there was ink pouring from it. I bent down and looked inside. _Damn it! _The bottle of ink had shattered across my journal and all of my things. I quickly tipped the bag upside down and tried to rescue what I could but it was no use. The journal was ruined. I ripped off the cover and salvaged the pages within. The elven figurine which I'd had from that last fateful day with _him _was completely ruined. Unable to hold back I groaned in frustration. Tears began to slide down my cheeks. _Can this day get any worse?_ Suddenly I heard voices outside my bedroom.I sat still and listened.

"Alistair, stop!"

It was Leliana's voice.

"I told you what happened and you're taking her side?" he shouted loudly.

"I'm not taking anyone's side, but you were out of line Alistair! How did you think she was going to react? Wynne was wrong to decide to do this with you. I told her from the start."

"I was trying to help her!" he replied. "Wynne and I were trying to get her to talk!"

"She doesn't want to talk. You should have left her be!"

"I didn't do anything wrong, Leliana. All I asked her about was Ta-"

"I know what you asked her about!" Leliana interrupted. "And that was exactly why she lashed out at you. You said _his_ name!"

"I said...What!?" Alistair stuttered, "_His_ name? That's why I got attacked?"

"People grieve in their own ways, Alistair. I know you're angry and you only wanted to help her. But all you're going to do by knocking on her door now is hurt her even more. Please, I'm begging you!"

Unable to listen to them any longer I wiped my eyes and got to my feet, walking towards the door. _If the Shem wants a fight, he can have it! _I pulled the handle and opened it to find Alistair standing directly in front of me looking furious, Leliana right behind him. They both jumped as I appeared in the doorway.

"Navarre..." Leliana said, looking at me worriedly. She was glancing from one to the other, waiting for the sparks to fly between us. I turned to Alistair.

"Do your worst Shem. I really don't care anymore," I said simply, holding out my arms wide, welcoming him to take a shot. He stared at me. The anger in his face suddenly turned to pity as he looked into my eyes. He lingered for a second before exhaling harshly and walking off without a word. When he was out of sight, I let my arms fall to my side in defeat. My eyes fell to the floor as I felt more tears build. A moment of silence passed.

"Are you alright?" Leliana asked softly.

"No."

I turned around without looking at her and re-entered my bedroom. Before closing the door fully, I watched Leliana walk away feeling a strange sense of gratefulness for the woman. _She had genuinely tried to help me just now and I didn't even ask her to. _I never really thought she had understood me before when she had spoken to me about _him_. I just thought she was prying like all the others, trying to find out about my life so she could discuss it behind my back. I had never realised just how much she had deciphered from the words I never said, and the questions she'd asked that I left unanswered, until I heard her try to convince Alistair to leave me alone. _It sounded like she stole the words directly from my mouth._

"Shem...?"

Leliana stopped in her tracks, turning to face me, a look of surprise on her face at the fact that I had spoken. She waited expectantly. I looked at her for several seconds, trying to find the words.

"...Thank you..."

Her eyes widened. She smiled at me, understanding.

"Of course," she replied softly.

With one last look at her I closed the door gently. Shadowfang ran to greet me as I turned around. He had just woken up. I leaned down and began to pet behind his ears. He licked my face as I cried, unable to hold the tears back any longer. I couldn't help but laugh.

"I'm ok, boy" I replied. He barked once in response and wagged his little tail again. I gave him one final pat on the head before walking over to the discarded contents of my bag and clearing them up off the ground. I began to throw the ruined items into the fire which was burning brightly in the sitting area, leaving just one left. I held the ink covered elven artefact in my hands and stared down at it numbly. _His _face burned in my mind. _You have to let him go, Navarre. _I took a deep breath, trying to compose myself. Slowly, I reached out into the fire and after a moment of hesitation, I let the figurine fall from my grasp. As soon as I let it go, a heart-wrenching cry left me. My hand travelled to my chest, resting over my heart as I watched the figurine melt into the flames, feeling _him _fall away from me forever. It was the last thing I had left of our past, of the life we had shared together. _Goodbye, my friend...I'm sorry._ When the artefact had turned to ashes I made my way back to my bed and curled up in the sheets, falling into an uneasy sleep with Shadowfang standing beside the bed protectively.

A few hours later there was a desperate knock on my room door. I opened my eyes. Shadowfang was barking loudly. Lifting my dagger from the bedside table I got to my feet. The door was shaking on its hinges.

"Warden! Open up!"

It was Arl Eamonn. I grabbed the handle and opened the door wide.

"What?" I said, trying to wipe the sleep from my eyes.

"We need your help. Queen Anora has been captured by Arl Howe. She sent her handmaiden Erlina to ask us to rescue her!"

My mind didn't keep up. I rubbed my forehead trying to make sense of what he said. _Something about a Queen Ramora, an Arl How and a handmaiden needing rescued._

"I have no idea who you are referring to Arl. You want me to do what again?"

Arl Eamonn rolled his eyes. "Makers Breath, just...come with me and bring your weapons and armor."

I went back into my room and grabbed my things. Shadowfang followed me out into the hallway and into Arl Eamonn's study. Inside there was an elven woman who I didn't recognise. Her clothes were a lot fancier than any other elf I'd seen and she wasn't as thin.

"Warden this is Erlina-"

"I am Queen Anora's handmaiden," The lady interrupted Arl Eamonn. She walked towards me and shook my hand before I could object. _Well, this elf has a lot of gall. _"You are the Warden, I assume?"

"Unfortunately," I replied, nodding once. "What do you need of me?"

"Our Queen has been captured by Arl Howe. I fear that her life is in danger. She requested your help to rescue her!"

I folded my arms. "She is not my Queen. Why should I care what happens to her?"

"Queen Anora is Teryn Loghain's daughter, Navarre. She will be very important to us in the Landsmeet," Arl Eamonn informed me. I rolled my eyes. _Everything rests on this damn Landsmeet. Why can't we just kill that bastard Teryn and get it over with?_

"What would you have me do?" I asked reluctantly.

"Gather your companions and meet me outside the Arl of Denerim's Estate, Warden. We will enter through the servant's entrance. I have disguises for you," Erlina said. She walked to the door and turned back to me before leaving. "Hurry! My Lady does not have much time!"

She left the study and raced down the hallway. I turned to Arl Eamonn.

"Should we help? This could be a trap," I asked.

He sighed. "I fear if this is a trap we are already caught in it. Do as she asks, Warden, but don't trust either of them."

I laughed bitterly. "I don't even trust those who I travel with, Arl."

I turned my back on him and went to gather the others.

The elf Erlina was waiting by the Arl's Estate. It was a lot bigger than Arl Eamonn's. Leliana, Zevran and Sten came with me. Alistair was too busy off greasing the nobles. We made our way through the palace dressed as guards. Erlina suggested that Zevran and I be dressed as servants instead but I downright refused. _You put that slave costume anywhere near me Flat Ear and I'll break your arm! _Zevran also refused to wear the filth, though I expect it was more out of vanity rather than pride. Erlina led us to a locked door inside the estate.

"The Warden is here my Lady," she called.

"Thank The Maker!" said a voice from the other side of the door. "I would greet you properly Warden but the door has been magically locked. I'm afraid the only way to open it is to find the mage who cast the spell. He should be in the dungeons with Arl Howe."

"Damn it!" I exclaimed. "Where are these dungeons then?"

* * *

I opened my eyes. I was lying face down on a cold stone floor. There was a taste of blood in my mouth. _Mythal, how did I get here? _I tried to remember what had happened after going to the dungeons to find Arl Howe and that damn mage but my memory was fuzzy. _I've completely blacked out. _I got to my feet, spitting the blood from my mouth and staring at my surroundings. I was in a cell in what seemed to be some kind of torture chamber. There were ear-piercing screams echoing from somewhere nearby making my hair stand on end. My clothes and weapons were gone. A voice beside me made me jump.

"You're alive then? You won't be for long if Loghain has his way."

I turned to the cell beside mine. There was a bruised human man casually leaning against the bars, watching me.

"Where am I?" I demanded.

"Fort Drakon" the man replied. "Killed Arl Howe you did. I'd hardly call that a crime but...there you go."

I thought hard. Suddenly my memories came flooding back. I _had _killed Arl Howe. It was as enjoyable as I imagined it would be. We had rescued that Queen and were on our way out of the estate when we were ambushed by some Shem woman and Loghain's army. All of a sudden I remembered why I was here. _I'm going to kill that Queen. She set me up! _I had wanted to fight my way out but she made me go with the Cauthrien woman so as she could get out safely. _I'm not going to be used as a decoy. _I slammed my hand against the bars of the cell in fury. _Never trust a Shem... but more importantly, never trust a noble Shem. They are the worst._

"They prison tattoos?" The man asked, breaking me from my thoughts. He was pointing to the tattoos on my face. I glared at him.

"Drop dead, Shem."

He looked taken aback. "Sorry...Didn't mean to offend you, Lady. Just never seen someone with tattoos all over their face before."

I ignore him and began to examine the lock. It was too thick to break. I pulled at the door of the cell in frustration.

"You need a key for that," the prisoner said, watching me take my anger out on the hinges of the door.

"Really? Oh, I hadn't realised, how silly of me!" I replied sarcastically. _Stupid Shem, go pester someone else with the obvious._

"You should watch that temper of yours, Lady. Won't get you out of here any quicker," the man replied. I rolled my eyes. _I'm sure not all humans are annoying but how do I seem to always be surrounded by ones who are?_ I give the cell door one last shake before slamming my fist against it in anger.

"Oy, stop that racket in there!" a guard shouted from outside. I walked towards him. _There are keys strapped to his belt! _I eyed the guard up and down and forced myself to smile.

"I'm sorry, sir. I was just frustrated. Maybe... you could help me with that?" I said smoothly. I saw him look me up and down, unable to hide the hunger in his eyes. He smiled at me.

"Stand back against the wall, elf."

I obeyed him, eyeing him seductively through the bars of my cell as he approached the door. He opened it and entered. I saw him remove his belt and drop it to the floor and he walked towards me. Before he could touch me I brought my knee up hard in between his legs, crushing his crown jewels.

"ARGH YOU BI-"

Before he finished his sentence his neck was snapped in half. _That felt as good as I had hoped it would. One less Shem to hate in the world. _I threw him to the ground and ran to pick up his keys.

"Nice moves, Lady! Fancy helping a fellow prisoner out?" The man in the cell beside mine said.

I turned back to him and smiled. "Not really."

I ran towards the door as he continued to shout after me. _Two less Shems to worry about now. _I exited the door to the dungeons. It was cold in Fort Drakon, especially so since I was completely naked apart from undergarments barely covering my dignity. I crept through the fort with murder on my mind. _Arl killer today, Queen killer tonight. Ramora...Or what ever her name was...Won't see tomorrow._ After sending a few more guards to their deaths I managed to make my way to the exit. I hadn't escaped unscathed however. There was a stab wound in my shoulder blade that I could feel pouring with blood. _My head feels light._ I entered the hallway, the front door beckoning. Suddenly two pairs of hands grabbed me.

"Where do you think you're going, elf?" A guard snarled in my ear. They held my arms tightly as I struggled against them. All of a sudden the front doors to Fort Drakon burst open. To my immense surprise Leliana entered, Shadowfang at her heels. He growled at the men holding me hostage.

"Oh good," Leliana said, addressing the men calmly. "You brought the transfer!"

The two guards looked at each other. "Transfer?" one of them answered confused. _What is she doing?_

Leliana nodded. "I'm supposed to give 5 Sovereigns to the guards who handed over this Dalish prisoner. Orders of Teryn Loghain. That would be you two would it not?"

The guards looked at each other again, this time smiling. _Eugh, Shems really disgust me. They'd sell their souls for Sovereigns. _

"Oh...Yeah. The Colonel did mention something about that," the other guard replied.

Leliana took me from their grasp and handed them the bag filled with coin. Their eyes lit up.

"Thanks boys," Leliana said, winking at them. She led me to the door, holding her blade to my neck to make sure it looked legit. As soon as we were outside and out of view of Fort Drakon, she let me go. I quickly moved a safe distance away from her.

"You're hurt!" she realised, seeing the blood dripping down my back.

"I'm fine," I replied, not looking at her.

"Are you cold?"

"No."

We walked back through the streets of Denerim towards Arl Eamonn's estate. I could feel her eyes on me, taking in my appearance. It made no difference to me that I wasn't wearing any clothes. _I feel naked under her gaze no matter what I'm wearing. _

"What were you doing there?" I asked.

"I came to free you," she said. "Should I not have?"

"I can take care of myself," I said coldly. Shadowfang barked once in response. "Yes, you can too boy." I told him. He wagged his tail and barked twice more. I smiled at him. I looked up at Leliana. She was also smiling, only at me instead of the dog.

"What?" I asked, embarrassed, letting the smile slide off my face.

"He's a smart dog," she said. I knew that wasn't what had made her smile. She was changing the subject.

"Smarter than most humans," I replied, petting him on the head. Leliana chuckled.

"I'm insulted," she said. I turned to her again.

"I...wasn't referring to you," I said, dropping my gaze to Shadowfang once more. I felt her look at me.

"Oh...Thanks," she replied, surprised by my words.

We made our way through the Market District. It was deserted now. Midnight was approaching. _It would be the last one for the blasted Queen. _I made to enter the Arl's Estate. Before I could open the door fully Leliana placed her hand on it, stopping me. I turned to look at her.

"What's wrong?" I asked, puzzled. She gave me a serious look.

"Don't do it, Navarre," she warned.

"Do what?" I replied, my eyes narrowing. Leliana bit her lip.

"You know what. Queen Anora is well loved by the people. And she is needed to win this Landsmeet. You will not make it out of this Estate alive if you do what I think you are considering."

My jaw fell open. I exhaled and released my grip on the door handle, sinking onto the small step in front of the doorway. Leliana closed the tiny crack of the door that I had opened and sat down beside me.

"How did you know?" I asked, looking up at her. She smiled at me.

"Because it's what I would feel like doing if she had used me like that," Leliana replied. I couldn't help but smile. _She really was something else._

"You should smile more often, Navarre," she said quietly. Her words wiped the smile from my face. I got to my feet.

"When I have a reason to, I will," I said. I left her on the front step and entered the Estate on my own. There were raised voices coming from the Arl's study.

"...can't do this without her, Anora! What good will she be to us in Fort Drakon?" Arl Eamonn was saying. The door to the study was open as I passed. The Queen and Arl Eamonn saw me. There was also another man there who I didn't recognise.

"You're back!" Eamonn said, running to me. "Are you alright?"

"Fine, no thanks to her!" I replied bitterly, nodding my head in the Queens direction. She looked angry at the way I addressed her. _You're not my Queen, Shem. I'll talk to you how I want._

"I am sorry Warden, but that was the only way for me to get out safely. Ser Cauthrien only wanted you. If she had known I was there however, I would have been captured by my father's soldiers!" Anora said.

"I don't give a damn! I don't appreciate being used, Shem!" I snarled. "Do it again and it shall be your last deed!"

"You dare-"

"Yes!" I shouted as loud as I could, interrupting Anora's outrage. "I don't care if you are the Queen of all Thedas! No one treats me as though I am expendable!"

"Warden..." Arl Eamonn began gently, "Maybe you should calm down...Take a while to recover in your bedroom. You've been badly wounded by the looks of it."

I glared at them both before turning and walking towards my room. I didn't even have the energy to close the door. My hand reached back to feel the wound on my shoulder blade. I was gaping open. The blood had dripped the whole way down my back and down my left leg. _I didn't think it was that bad. _Suddenly my head felt light again. _I've lost too much blood. _My legs started to wobble as my vision blurred. I tried to make my way blindly over to the chair. _I can make it...I can..._

* * *

I felt a gentle tugging sensation on the skin on my back. It wasn't that painful but was slightly irritating. My head hurt as I strained to open my eyes. I still felt dizzy. _Great, I passed out._ I felt the comfort of the long chair in my sitting room underneath me. I tried to open my eyes again. My vision was blurry and the room was spinning in circles. Feeling nauseous I closed them. Before I did, my eyes caught the outline of a woman with red hair close by.

"Stay still, Navarre, I'm almost finished," Leliana's voice said. I was so spaced out it felt like she was talking to me from the other end of a long hallway. Her voice echoed in my head.

"What are you doing to me?" I moaned feebly, feeling her hands on my back. My own voice sounded strange. "Leave me alone..."

"Sshh," she soothed. "I'm sewing your wound up. It won't stop bleeding. You've lost too much blood already."

"Don't!" I complained weakly. I tried to brush her hand away but I didn't have the strength to even reach behind me. I could feel the warmth of her hands on my back and the prick of the needle as she inserted it into my skin. I was fine with needles. It was the intimacy that bothered me.

"Navarre..." she begged, touching my arm to stop me from flailing around, "Please...You have to trust me..."

After fighting some more, my arms dropped limply, dangling off the side of the chair. I groaned.

"You're doing it wrong..."

I heard her chuckle beside me. "You hit your head pretty hard, Navarre. I think you're a bit dazed."

"S'not funny...You're too close..."

Leliana paused. I felt her reach out and tuck a bit of my hair behind my ears.

"What do you mean...?" she asked interestedly, answering my concussed babbling.

"Your hands are too warm...I don't like it..."

"Why not?" she asked.

"...It hurts."

I felt her freeze as she heard my response. She exhaled.

"I'm sorry..."

The pain in my head returned. I grimaced as the concussion hit me once more.

"Navarre...?"

Her voice sounded further away. I felt my head spinning again and before I knew I was overcome by the blackness once more.


	4. Chapter 4

"Navarre?"

I opened my eyes. The light hurt my head as I adjusted to it. I found I was still lying face down on the chair in front of the fire. Leliana was beside me, her hand placed on my shoulder as though trying to wake me.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," I replied, turning around and straightening up at once, moving away from her touch. _Must she always sit so close? _I reached back to my feel the wound on my shoulder blade. It was rough and the skin felt tight, but the wound itself was completely closed and had stopped bleeding. _Not bad work, for a Shem._ I was suddenly conscious of the fact that I was still naked. Leliana, noticing me glance around for clothes, stood up and reached for my shirt from the small table a short distance away.

"I can get it myself," I exclaimed suddenly, jumping to my feet. I reached out to get it before her, not wanting her help. As soon as I stood however the blood rushed to my head and my legs gave out from under me. Leliana caught me before I hit the floor. She straightened me up, one hand wrapped around my waist and the other lingering on my arm to steady me. I froze with shock, both at what had happened, and at her touch. I could feel the warmth of her body as it pressed against mine. I stared up at her, realising just how close she was. _Too close. _Our eyes met, faces just inches apart. A moment passed when everything seemed to stand still. Slowly, Leliana raised her hand and brushed a lock of hair out of my face. I felt breathless. I could feel us getting closer, her warm breath on my face.

Suddenly I came back to my senses.

"Let go of me!" I shouted, pulling back and breaking from her grip.

She jumped at my sudden movement and watched as I backed away from her. _Mythal! What just happened between us? _I knew my eyes were glowing electric blue again.

"I'm sorry," she said, staring at me regretfully. I stared back at her, the fear and anger apparent on my face. After a few seconds of stunned silence I turned away, unable to stare into her eyes anymore. Flustered, I reached for my shirt on the table and began to put it on as best I could. I had difficulty getting my left arm in.

"Do you need help?" Leliana asked in a small voice.

"No!" I snapped, worried she would try to help me anyway. She watched me as I grimaced in pain, trying stubbornly to force my injured arm through the sleeve, feeling strain on the stitches in my back. _Come on! _I exhaled in relief when my arm finally went through. I looked back at Leliana. She was still standing in the same spot, staring at me.

"Thank you for your assistance, Shem. You are free to go," I said coldly. She looked saddened by the harsh tone in which I spoke. I stared at her, waiting for her to go. She didn't move. Her eyes found mine. Another moment passed between us. _I can't do this. _Unable to stand it any longer, I turned away and walked towards my bed.

"Does my touch really hurt you that much?" Leliana blurted out. I turned back to face her.

"What?" I asked confused. _Where did that come from?_

She took a few steps towards me.

"Earlier, when you first came around, you were babbling from the concussion. You told me...You told me the warmth of my hands hurts you..."

My face screwed up in confusion. _I don't remember talking to her before. Why would I tell her that? _Every time she touched me I did feel uncomfortable. Her skin was so warm and inviting that it scared me. It didn't make me feel as cold inside.

"That doesn't even make sense, human," I answered harshly, avoiding her question. "I was simply concussed."

Leliana sighed in defeat as she read the look on my face which said otherwise. _I wish I wasn't this transparent in front of her. _She shook her head in defeat.

"You really are cold, Navarre...Maybe Alistair's right...Maybe I shouldn't bother..." she said sadly. Her words stabbed me. I felt a lump form in my throat. Leliana's head fell and she began walking to the doorway. I didn't know why but I felt hurt by her words. _And angry._

"I don't know why you bother either..." I replied bitterly, as she reached the hallway. She turned back to me, her mouth fell open slightly. I saw in her eyes then the hurt my words had caused her. _I don't care...I didn't ever ask for her help._ She shook her head again and walked off without another word. I walked over to the door and slammed it in frustration.

* * *

Breakfast the next day was an awkward affair. It was the day of the Landsmeet. While I was in Fort Drakon, Alistair had found slavers in the Alienage working under Teryn Loghain's orders. When I heard that, my blood boiled and I was glad when he told me he had killed them. _I'd have tortured the scum. _I also heard him complain to Leliana about a red headed elf girl who had shouted at him in front of the entire Alienage and called him a "stupid Shem". I laughed to myself. _I find myself wanting to meet her. I think we'd get along perfectly._

I disliked sitting at the table with the Shemlens, watching skinny underfed elves serve our every need. What I didn't understand was why the elves wanted to do it. I saw the tiny elf girl who had served me supper at camp. She seemed happy enough to clear up the human's filth, bowing at Arl Eamonn and Isolde's every command. _Damn Flat Ear slaves! They give us all a bad name. That's why humans treat us like vermin. Because the majority of us let them._

I glanced down at Leliana at the other end of the table. She was speaking with Alistair, seemingly a lot more enthusiastically than usual. As much as I hated to admit it to myself, it bothered me how close they were getting. _Don't be stupid, Navarre. Why should you care about anything that Shem does? She means nothing to you. _The Warden was irritating me even more than usual. I watched as he brushed his hand along Leliana's, seeing her smile up at him in response. I wanted nothing more than to stick my fork in his arm. I stabbed at the bit of pork sitting in from of me instead.

"How are you feeling today, Navarre?"

I looked beside me. The old mage was staring at me, concerned. _She obviously just saw me attack a piece of meat with a little too much force._

"I'd be fine if everyone stopped asking me!" I snapped, turning back to my plate. By the Gods, h_umans and their damn feelings! Elves don't share the same weakness as this pathetic race._ I involuntarily glanced down towards Leliana again. Wynne followed my gaze.

"You hurt the poor girl," she said quietly so as the others couldn't hear. I looked up at her again, angrily.

"What makes you think I care?"

Wynne looked at me sceptically. "I know you do, dear." She sighed. "You need to stop closing yourself away. It's not good to dwell on those we lost."

I slammed my fork down hard, sticking it into the table. The others around us looked up in surprise. I turned to Wynne, my jaw clenched, my hand grasping the knife in my right hand tightly.

"Careful, Old Woman," I snarled, "Don't push me. You won't like what happens if you do!"

"Hey!" Alistair shouted, banging his hand onto the table. I turned to him. He was on his feet. "Don't speak to her like that!"

I got to my own feet. "I'll speak to her how I want, Shem! Sit back down before you embarrass yourself!"

Morrigan began to chuckle. "I think that ship sailed long ago."

"Quiet, Morrigan!" Wynne scolded. "Keep your poisonous tongue behind your teeth."

Morrigan glared at her.

"You're the one who's embarrassing yourself Navarre..."

I turned my head back to Alistair. It wasn't he who spoke though. It was Leliana. I stared at her numbly. _Did she really just say that to me? _The look on her face confirmed it. She slowly got to her feet, standing by Alistair's side. My words stuck in my throat.

"You heard her," Alistair continued angrily. "Now sit back down and stop this! We're all sick and tired of you!"

I laughed once bitterly. "Are we?" I asked, turning to Leliana. She wore a pained expression as she stared at me. I looked into her eyes waiting for her to answer. My heart was thumping in my chest. I saw tears build in her eyes.

"Sit down, Navarre..." She said sadly.

Her words wounded me. I stared at her for several seconds in disbelief then shook my head. Another bitter laugh escaped my lips. Then I felt the smile fall from my face. I nodded at her, as though seeing her clearly for the first time. I threw my knife onto the table with a clatter, breaking the stunned silence of the room. Everyone's eyes were on me. _I need to get out of here. _I dropped my head and left the table, walking towards the door.

"Navarre..." Leliana said regretfully. She tried to reach out to me as I passed. Alistair grabbed her hand before she could.

"Let her go, Leliana," he said.

I didn't look up at any of them, walking as fast as I could into the hallway and towards the door of the Estate. I pulled it open and slammed it as hard as I could behind me.

The day grew darker around me as I walked around Denerim for most of it. I bought myself a new bow and new daggers, having lost my old ones to Ser Cauthrien after my brief stint in Fort Drakon. I was hoping the walk would help me clear my head. I didn't know how to feel. _Angry...That was obvious. _There was something else there too though. _Sadness? Pain? Regret? _I couldn't swallow any of the words which were entering my head. Leliana's face appeared in my mind. The look she gave me hurt me more than it should have. _I don't care what she thinks. I need to stop letting her get to me. She's a Shem. I always knew I couldn't trust her. _Then there was Alistair. He was getting what he wanted now. The Bard was finished with me. He had her attention all to himself. _Well, why shouldn't he? Clearly she likes him. I don't even know why she was wasting her time with me. I'm too damaged._

I sat myself down on the edge of a bridge just outside the Alienage and stared into the flowing water below. As much as I told myself I didn't care, I knew I was kidding myself. I picked up a loose stone from the bridge and tossed it into the dirty water.

"If you take one more piece of stone from that bridge it will probably collapse."

I looked up. A red haired elf was standing beside me. She looked to be a few years younger than myself. Her voice was cocky and confident. She was smiling down at me.

"Why should I care?" I replied. _Great, a Flat Ear._

She chuckled. "Because I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want to take a swim in that river. I've been in it once or twice myself and it's not pretty."

She sat down beside me.

"I don't want company, elf," I said grumpily, looking out into the distance.

"Neither do I," she replied. "I'm just carrying out my daily routine of sitting alone by the river and wishing it would take me where ever it was going...You're in my spot by the way."

I turned back to her. She was still smiling at me. There was something about her uncaring ways and her confidence that I could relate to.

"Seeing as you have no shoes though, I'll give you a pass for today," the girl added, looking down at my bare feet. I followed her gaze and stretched my feet out in front of me.

"I never wear shoes. Not unless I'm going into battle," I said.

"Battle?" The girl repeated, "What are you some kind of Grey Warden or something?"

I looked at her confused. "Why Grey Warden? Couldn't I just be a normal soldier?"

To my surprise the girl laughed. "Not in this life you couldn't. Elves aren't allowed to carry weapons or fight in armies...And I met a Grey Warden yesterday. I'm just combining the two."

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. _So she was the one who had insulted Alistair. _I couldn't help but smile. Of all the people to encounter. The way she had worked out who I am impressed me. _At last, someone to talk to with a bit of sense! _I nodded my head.

"Grey Warden," I admitted, "Unfortunately."

"I suppose...Still, I bet it beats living in an Alienage right?"

"I've never lived in one. I'm Dalish," I answered. The girls face lit up.

"Really? That would explain the tattoos then. I've never met a Dalish before. We hear stories about you but I doubt they're true."

"That we are all robbing bandits?" I asked. _I've heard the stories too._ The girl laughed.

"Pretty much," she said, "Makes no difference to me though. I steal from Shems all the time. I used to dream about joining the Dalish. Wish I had of gone now after what happened me here." The girls face fell and she looked to be remembering something painful. I wanted to ask her what but I could tell that she wouldn't say. _I know that look._

"Sorry," I said, reliving my pain through hers. She looked up at me.

"You know you're the first person who hasn't asked me what happened," she said. She sounded grateful.

"It's not my business," I replied. "We should have the choice to keep things to ourselves. It is wrong of others to try and force us to talk."

The girl looked up at me. "You sound like you are speaking from experience."

I felt the familiar feeling of guilt and sorrow well up inside me once more. _His _face appeared in my mind. I turned back to the girl.

"Let's just say that if you had gone to live with the Dalish, something worse might have happened to you than what happened here."

The girl nodded. "I guess that's a better way to look at it. I can't change it now anyway."

We sat in silence, each of us reliving our pains. _There's something about this girl that reminds me of myself. She has restored some of my faith in City Elves. Maybe not all of them were Flat Ears. _Suddenly I remembered the Landsmeet. I had completely forgotten about it. _I guess I should show my face...Not that anyone would care either way._ I reluctantly stood up.

"I have to go," I told the girl. She stood up with me.

"It was nice speaking with you," she said.

"It was nice speaking with you too," I replied. _And it actually really was._

The girl smiled at me and began to walk in the direction of the Alienage. After walking a few steps she turned back.

"What's your name, Dalish?" she asked. I couldn't help but smile. _She called me Dalish instead of Warden._

"Navarre," I answered. "And yours?"

"Shianni."

I nodded my head and smiled at her once more before we both turned away and headed our separate ways.

* * *

I made my way towards the Royal Palace. I had been gone most of the day. The Landsmeet was surely almost over. I pushed open the giant double doors which led to a giant hall filled with people. To my surprise Alistair was addressing them from the middle of the hall. The Teryn's body lay at his feet, seeping in blood. The Queen was no where to be found. They must have won. _Strange, I always thought of the Shem as too spineless to rule over anything never mind Ferelden. _I pushed my way to the front.

"...we will fight this Blight and we will defeat it!"

The crowd cheered and applauded him as he left with Arl Eamonn and everyone else. I followed them through the side doors. Alistair looked up as I entered. The others followed his gaze.

"You're back," he said. He sounded relieved. Leliana was staring at me with a worried expression on her face. I hovered in the doorway.

"I'm back," I said, tearing my gaze from her. "You won I take it?"

"_We _won, Navarre," Alistair corrected. I snorted.

"I thought you were sick of me," I said bitterly.

"Look, Navarre-"

"Save it!" I interrupted. "Just tell me when we are leaving."

"Right now," Alistair said, "Riordan, the Grey Warden who you found in Arl Howe's dungeons has sensed the bulk of the horde will show itself in Redcliffe. We don't have much time."

"Then let's not waste any more talking," I said, "Especially when there's nothing civil to be said."

"Agreed," Alistair said.

We headed out of the palace together and back to the Estate to collect our things. The carriages were waiting for us outside the city gate. I watched Alistair and Leliana chat to each other excitedly in front of me. They entered the same carriage, the Warden holding out his hand to help her aboard. Wynne saw me looking at them. I re-directed my gaze immediately. _Annoying old woman. Can she not stop? _I jumped into the next carriage with Sten. The giant Qunari wasn't one to make small talk. It suited me perfectly. I lay my head back against the chair and allowed myself to drift off as the wagons began to move.

Five days later we reached Redcliffe. It had taken us longer because of the moving Darkspawn factions travelling throughout Ferelden, coming up from the South. We had to take the northern road from Denerim. Some of the roads had been ruined along the way, forcing us to take detours to avoid them. As soon as we reached Redcliffe it was clear something was wrong. The army were patrolling the mountains and informed us that the Darkspawn had already attacked. They escorted us to the Castle where Riordan was waiting.

"I have bad news," he said, addressing mainly Alistair and myself. "On my way here I travelled close to a faction of Darkspawn to 'listen in', as you say. The horde is not coming here. It is marching towards Denerim."

His words shocked us all. _Denerim was a few days from here and the Darkspawn horde had a head start._ My thoughts fell on the elf Shianni who I had met. Surprised, I found myself worried for her safety. _She doesn't deserve to die like that. _

"We will march tomorrow morning," Arl Eamonn replied. "Teagan, have the men prepare. We leave at dawn."

"We'll never make it to Denerim on time," Alistair said.

"No" Eamonn admitted. "But we will travel to Denerim all the same."

"There is something else...The Arch Demon is at the front of the horde," Riordan said. I felt chills. _So the beast has shown itself?_ I was surprisingly unafraid. The look on Alistair's face reflected the opposite of what I was thinking. _Heart of a lion this one has._

"I can't sit by and watch all those people die without a fighting chance," Alistair said, his face pale. His voice shook as he spoke.

"Well aren't you the people's King," I blurted out. All eyes turned to me. _When do they ever not?_

"Now's not the time for this, Navarre," Alistair said angrily.

"When you too have finished..." Riordan began, "I would like to see you both upstairs. We have Grey Warden business to discuss."

"I'll show you to your rooms," Arl Eamonn said, "Try and save your energy for fighting the Darkspawn instead of fighting each other."

Alistair and I glared at each other before following the Arl upstairs.

My room was facing Riordan's. I left my things onto of the bed and flopped down beside them closing my eyes for a few minutes. It surprised me that I was not more afraid of the Arch Demon. I had slew dragons before but never as big as this. And this wasn't just any Dragon. It was tainted. Not to mention it had an army of Darkspawn at its command. I decided it would be best to go and see Riordan now. He would be waiting. I picked myself up off the bed and entered the hallway. What I saw outside rooted me to the spot.

Leliana and Alistair were kissing at the end of the hall. I felt a rock slide into my chest.

"Navarre..." Leliana said, noticing me. She pulled back instantly. Alistair spun around, to where she was looking behind him. He couldn't hide the happiness on his face but at the same time, there was some regret there. Clearly they hadn't meant for me to see. _Why? It's not like I care about this damn Shem. _My body language told the opposite. I opened my mouth to speak. Seeming to think better of it I simply turned away and walked towards Riordan's room, still trying to process it. I heard Alistair follow.

"Good, you're here," Riordan greeted us. I was barely listening to him as he spoke, my mind still playing back what I just saw. _Did you really think she cared for you Navarre? She's a Shem. They're all the same. You knew this would happen. You were stupid for letting her get in. _I stood numbly as my conscience took over, slating me for thinking that I ever actually meant anything to Leliana. The Bard had used me to cleanse her loneliness and then moved on when she found something better. I glanced at Alistair out of the corner of my eye. _He is something better? _Suddenly his voice brought me back to my senses.

"One of us must die?" he exclaimed in a gasp.

I was confused, having not listened to a word Riordan had said.

"I'm afraid so," Riordan said sadly. "When an Arch Demon is slain by a Grey Warden, its essence travels into the Grey Warden and he or she is killed."

"Then I will take that final blow myself," I said. They both turned to me, shocked.

"Navarre..." Alistair said, slowly shaking his head as though he couldn't believe it.

"You have a brave heart, Dalish," Riordan said, "But as I am the senior Grey Warden it will be up to me to take that blow myself. If I should fall before then...well I'm glad to see that it will not be in vain, and that someone else will carryout the deed."

Alistair was still staring at me dumbstruck, Riordan with pride. I wished they wouldn't. I wasn't doing this because I was a Grey Warden. I think Alistair knew that.

"We will speak more in the morning," Riordan said, "For now though, I will let you return to your rooms. We will all need our strength for what is to come."

I nodded my head and turned to exit the room. Leliana was waiting outside for Alistair.

"Navarre..." she said, trying to speak to me. I walked past her as thought she didn't exist. "Navarre, please!"

I went to my room without answering and closed the door. When I turned around I jumped.

"Do not be alarmed, it is only I."

"What are you doing in my room Morrigan?" I asked angrily. _The witch had some nerve._

"I have come to offer you a way out. The loop in you hole..."

"What are you talking about?" I asked suspiciously. I walked closer to her. She turned

"I know what happens when an Arch Demon is slain. A Grey Warden must be sacrificed. We both know that Riordan is not going to make it as far as the Arch Demon, and I know Alistair will not dream of throwing himself in front an Arch Demon when he is supposed to be King of Ferelden. That only leaves you..."

"And why would you want to help me?" I asked, "We don't exactly like each other."

"This is not about like or dislike! You have been made a Grey Warden against your will and now that decision is compelling you to die. This ritual will save you when you take that final swing against the Arch Demon. All you have to do is convince Alistair to lay with me tonight. I will not lie...It will produce a child. When the Arch Demon dies it will seek out this child like a beacon. At this state the child can absorb the essence and not perish."

I couldn't believe what I had just heard. _This witch is crazier than I thought._

"You want to have Alistair's baby?" I asked, trying hard not to laugh. "I thought one thing we both had in common was the fact that we both couldn't stand him. You've disappointed me now."

Morrigan released a sarcastic chuckle. "Oh, such wit! Believe me, if Riordan was an option I would consider it. Alas, Riordan is an older Grey Warden. He has already been spoiled too much by the taint. You need to convince Alistair to do this. It is the only way."

I shook my head. "It is not the only way, Morrigan. I have made my decision."

"You fool!" Morrigan spat, angry with my rejection, "You are going to die for a cause that you don't even believe in? Where's the logic in that? I thought you were at least intelligent."

"There is no logic in my decision..." I admitted, my voice hollow. "I am just done fighting, Morrigan... I'm tired of feeling dead inside, empty, ripped into a thousand tiny pieces which are constantly being observed and analysed by Shemlen who will never understand me. You yourself know how dim-witted they are. That is why you do not get along with them either."

"You're weak!" she said furiously. "You are giving up!"

I looked into her cold eyes and was saw a reflection of my own in them. The idea of not having to feel this pain anymore was more welcoming that I could have imagined. _And I will see him again._

"That's right," I said, "I'm giving up."

Morrigan looked at me shocked for a minute, unable to believe what I was saying. After several seconds she came to and gave me one last look of fury before leaving the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

I lay down on my bed, feeling more free than I had in almost a year. Suddenly it felt like all my problems had lifted. _This is the only way out. _Tomorrow, I would gladly face that Arch Demon, knowing what was to follow.


	5. Chapter 5

After resting for an hour I got to my feet and began to prepare for the battle. My ancient elven armor was hung up, waiting for me to dawn it for the last time. _How fitting that my end will be in the armor my ancestors wore._ I searched through my backpack for things which I would no longer need and threw them into the fire. The loose pages of my journal were crumpled at the bottom. I took them out, ready to throw them into the fire along with the rest of my things. At the last second I changed my mind, tossing them to one side. _They will serve as a reminder that I once existed. _As I was throwing the last of my things into the fire my bedroom door burst open.

"How could you do that?"

I turned around, shocked at the sudden interruption. Leliana was storming towards me furiously. She hadn't even changed into her armor yet. Her long dress flowed wildly as she approached. I could see the anguish in her eyes.

"How could I do what?" I asked harshly, genuinely confused.

"You're giving up!" she said hysterically. _I'm going to kill Morrigan._ The witch must have paid her a visit before she left.

"So now you care?" I asked bitterly. "I thought you were 'sick and tired of me'.

"This is about _me_?" Leliana shouted. I laughed.

"Don't flatter yourself, Shem. I'm doing this for my own benefit!"

"Killing yourself?" she exclaimed. Her voice broke as she said it. I saw her eyes well up with tears. "I'm sorry but that doesn't seem to be in your benefit."

"There's no guarantee that any of us will survive this fight," I replied.

"Maybe not, but at least we still have hope," Leliana said sadly. "You have denied yourself even that! You will die whether we win or loose!"

I turned away and began to sort through the rest of my things. _That was the plan. I was going to my death one way or the other. _There was nothing for me here anymore. That was made clear to me a long time ago_. Ever since the day I left my clan to become a Grey Warden_. Then it was made it even clearer to me again that morning at breakfast in the Arl's Estate in Denerim.

"This is my calling, human," I replied, not looking at her. "I am a Grey Warden. If I cannot do what I was made for, if I cannot sacrifice myself to Darkspawn then what reason is there for me to survive?"

"You don't even consider yourself a Grey Warden, Navarre, so stop trying to fool me!" Leliana said, shaking her head. "Why are you doing this?"

I continued packing, ignoring her question. Suddenly I felt her hand on my arm, stopping me. I could feel her eyes on me.

"Look at me," she said, her voice breaking. I tried to pull from her grasp but she wouldn't let me go. "Look at me!" she repeated. Reluctantly I turned to face her. Our eyes met and I could see the pain that I was causing her. _Was that real pain?_ Her grip on my arm tightened as she tried to persuade me. "_Please _don't do this!" she begged. A tear rolled down her cheek. _She's crying over me? _

"Why shouldn't I?" I asked hoarsely.

A moment passed between us as her eyes bore into mine. _There was something else there too._

"You know why..." she answered softly.

We stood in silence, simply staring at each other. _I do know why...That's why I have to do this. She's not the person I thought she was. _I managed to pull out of her grip.

"I thought I did," I answered harshly, "But you're just like all the others. You don't care about me, Shem. You never did. Stop pretending you do!"

"I'm _not _pretending, Navarre! What do I have to do to make you trust me?" She cried.

"I was beginning to!" I shouted back, trying unsuccessfully to keep calm, "But then you betrayed me like I always knew you would! You found your way in and then you screwed me over just like everyone I have ever met!"

My words stunned her. A tear fell down her cheek and her hand covered her mouth, truly realising then how broken I was inside.

"Stop crying," I said coldly, "Your false tears do not fool me Shem."

"Stop calling me Shem!" she shouted, "And stop denying what you feel Navarre. I know there's something between us and you do too but you just can't admit it!"

"Something between us?" I replied, "Like the same thing that's between you and that damn Warden?"

Leliana shook her head. "I never wanted to be with him...I wanted you...But you were just too damn stubborn to see it."

I couldn't believe what she was saying. _She wanted me? _I knew there was something to what she said but I couldn't process it. My mind flashed back to that day in my room back in Denerim. We had almost kissed. Then I suddenly realised. _She wasn't the one who had pulled away...It was me. _I exhaled as the realization hit me and sat down on my bed. Leliana came over and sat beside me.

"I'm sorry..." I said. _And I really was._

Leliana touched my arm. "Don't apologise to me. That's not what I want..."

"Then what do you want?" I asked.

She reached out and touched my cheek, turning my face towards hers.

"You..." she whispered, staring into my eyes. I stared back at her, truly seeing for the first time who she was. For one fleeting moment I realised that I wanted her too. Then I shook my head.

"Is that why you were kissing that Shem outside my room?" I asked angrily.

"I didn't kiss him... He kissed me..." Leliana replied, cringing slightly.

"It didn't look that way to me," I said bitterly, getting to my feet and walking towards the fire. Leliana stood up behind me and walked towards me again.

"If you had of left your room two seconds before that you would know I am speaking the truth!" she said, reaching out and placing a hand on my arm. "Please Navarre!...Please don't throw your life away because of this."

I pulled back. "It's not because of this..." I said hoarsely. Leliana stared at me, finally understanding.

"It's because of..._him?_"

I turned away from her and stared into the flames of the fire.

"Yes."

I heard her sign behind me.

"You really loved _him, _didn't you?" she asked gently. I turned back to face her, feeling the tears in my eyes, knowing what I was about to say to her.

"More than I could ever love anyone else..."

A fresh tear fell down Leliana's face as the effect of my words hit her. _That anyone else meant her._ She shook her head slightly, letting the tears stream down her cheeks. A lump formed in my throat. Leliana reached out to me. She stroked my face one last time before turning to leave, defeated. She didn't look back.

As soon as she had left I threw the last remaining item of my bag into the fire, trying not to fall apart. I began to put my armor on, having a battle with myself inside my mind about what I had just done. I lied to her. _You had to. You are going somewhere she cannot follow. _It was cruel. _She's better off with Alistair. I can't open my heart to someone again. It's too hard. I don't know how to anymore. _Then why didn't I explain that to her? I made her think I had no feelings for her and this is the last time I will ever be able to make her understand. _I need to see her. I can't leave things like this._

I pulled on my greaves and ran to the door. _Which direction did she go? _I made my way along the corridor and down the stairs to the rooms on the ground floor. The other soldiers eyed me curiously as I ran half dressed through the palace towards Leliana's bedroom. I reached the door within a few minutes and prepared to knock. I noticed it was ajar as I approached. I poked my head around and looked inside. It was empty.

Cursing my stupidity I turned around and began to make my way back from where I had come. Suddenly I heard a woman crying. I lifted my head and tried to judge where the sound was coming from. I walked towards Wynne's room. The door was open a crack. I placed my eye up to it, looking inside. Wynne was sitting on her bed, her arms around Leliana who was shaking uncontrollably. _She's crying. _I hid behind a column beside Wynne's doorway and placed my back against it, listening...

"...Ssshhh, dear. It will be ok," came Wynne's voice. I heard Leliana sniff.

"I-I- can't Wynne...I-c-can't let her do t-this," she cried. I felt terrible as I heard how upset she was. She was inconsolable.

"You have to let her go, dear. It's the right thing to do..." Wynne replied softly.

"I can't Wynne...I...I love her..."

Her words shocked me. _She loves me?_ I felt my heart break inside my chest. _Why did I lie to her upstairs? Why didn't I tell her how I felt?_ I lay my head back against the column, cursing myself for how cold I was to her. _I wish I could tell her...but I know I can't. _I felt my own eyes well up with tears.

"I know dear, I know you do," Wynne soothed.

"And I k-know she c-cares about me too...But why cant she say it?" Leliana asked desperately.

"She's had a hard life, Leliana," Wynne replied, "Her bad experiences have closed her off from others. I'm not even sure she realises it herself, dear. I pity her. She's clinging on to someone who no longer exists."

"She can't let go," Leliana agreed, "But I t-thought I could help her...I really b-believed I could Wynne...She just won't give me the c-chance..."

"She can't be saved, dear. Her heart is cold. Her hatred of humans has blinded her from her hatred of everything. There's just too much in her past that time cannot erase. And now it is too late...I think this is the best possible outcome for her...You need to let her go..."

I brought my hand to my mouth, feeling myself break apart at the seams as I listened to them speak about me. Everything Wynne had said was true. I slid down the stone column, feeling the tears leak out of the corners of my eyes as I began to see myself truly for the first time. _The old woman was right. It didn't matter if I died against the Arch Demon...I was already dead inside. _I curled my arms around my knees where I sat, trying to hold myself together as the tears overflowed my eyes. I had never felt so weak in my whole life as the full reality of who I had become crashed down upon me. I tried to muffle my sobs as I heard Leliana exit the bedroom. I had not even heard her response. She hugged Wynne and made her way past the stone column, not noticing me sitting against the other side. I wanted nothing more than to call out to her, to follow her and tell her how I felt but I couldn't. _It's better this way. It was cruel of me to think I could come clean about my feelings to her and then throw myself at the Arch Demon's feet. It would hurt her even more. She deserved better than that._

Another sob escaped me, this time more audible than the last. I covered my mouth, trying to hold back. Suddenly a shadow passed over me. I looked up. Wynne was standing looking down at me, sadness in her eyes.

"You heard?" she asked.

I nodded.

Wynne bent over beside me and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry dear...That couldn't have felt good..." she said gently. Another tear fell down my face and I felt ashamed under her gaze. My body had no energy left to move though. I sniffed once in response, trying to control my heaving sobs.

"Why were you here?" she asked. I pulled my hand away from my mouth.

"I...I came to s-see her..."

"To tell her how you feel?" Wynne asked.

I nodded.

"I assume you lied to her before then?"

I nodded again. Wynne sighed.

"I don't think telling her the truth now would be a good idea," she said softly, "You have already hurt her... Telling her that you love her would only hurt her more when you plan to give your life to end this Blight..."

Another tear fell down my face. _She's right._

"Hush child..." Wynne said soothingly, brushing my hair back from my face. "You need to keep that strength that you have always possessed. You will need it for what is to come. For any of the things you have lacked, courage was never one of them. What ever reason has made you decide to do this then let me just say...We are all eternally grateful. I am sure your clan would be proud of you...and I'm sure _he _would be too."

I stared into the old mages eyes, seeing the knowledge behind them. _Maybe people went to her for advice for a reason. _I nodded in response to her words. She reached out a hand and helped me to my feet. I steadied myself against the wall. Wynne smiled at me kindly.

"You should go get ready," she said, staring at my half dawned armor. "Good luck Navarre...May your God's be with you."

I nodded to her in thanks and made my way back towards my room, pushing Leliana and all that had transpired between us to the back of my mind. The Arch Demon was the only thing in my future now.

* * *

We gathered in the great hall together as the Arl's army outside began to march. It would take us a few days to reach Denerim. It was surely under attack by now. We didn't have much time left to save it. The King's army was waiting outside for us.

"You are to lead them," Alistair said to me in front of our companions. Morrigan had decided to stay despite my decision to reject her proposal. I found that strange. I stared at Alistair in shock.

"Me?" I asked in disbelief. The King nodded.

"I know we don't always see eye to eye, Navarre, but as much as you hate to admit it we are on the same side. Everyone here knows you are the better Warden. I couldn't have done this without you and it is to you who everyone looks to defeat this Blight."

I was shocked by his words.

"Your army will follow an elf?" I asked sceptically.

"My army will follow anyone who knows how to lead no matter what their race, Navarre. I've already proven that isn't me, and you have gotten us this far. We trust you," Alistair replied sincerely. I stared at him. There was no joke in his tone as was per usual, no jibe in his words. He was being deadly serious.

"Then I will do it," I said. Alistair nodded to me in thanks and made his way to the door. We followed him outside. He addressed the army, naming me as Commander. I expected the army to complain but they gratefully accepted his words, a few of them nodding in agreement. _I wasn't expecting that._ After his speech we made our way to the front and led the army out of Redcliffe towards Denerim. There would be no rest breaks. We didn't have time.

Leliana and Alistair walked side by side. I noticed they were colder towards each other than usual. There was permanent sadness on her Leliana's face. I tried to keep my gaze from her but it was proving impossible. Apparently it was for her too. I caught her staring a few times, quickly looking away when she realised I was watching her. Wynne walked alongside me. I think she was trying to make sure I didn't go against her words and tell Leliana how I felt. I wasn't stupid enough to do it now. Who knew if anyone would survive this battle? We needed to stay focused.

"Are you alright?" Wynne asked beside me.

I shrugged. "Does it matter if I am?"

The old mage sighed, getting my meaning. _Does it matter if I am seeing as I'm going to be dead soon?_

"Of course it matters, Navarre. Just because it's near the end doesn't mean you have to be miserable."

I considered her words. _She has a point. _I tore my gaze from the road ahead and stared at the surrounding forests and buildings. _My old world meshed with my new world. _My mind rewinded back to my clan. Ashalle with her mothering ways, Merrill and her stubborn shyness, Fenarel as he always tried to keep up with the older hunters, Marethari...The Keepers face appeared in my mind. I was still angry with her. _She knowingly sent me of to my death. _She had always been tired of my rebellious streak and Duncan had provided her with a great opportunity to cast me away. I found that I didn't even care anymore. I probably would have left anyway if _he _had never been found. The clan was nothing to me without _him._

The sky grew red as we neared Denerim. The Blight had finally managed to spread from the south and in the distance we could see the Horde as they desecrated the City of Denerim. Arl Eamonn's army had made it there before us. We saw them charge the Darkspawn outside the city walls, saw them get slaughtered by Ogres and Hurlocks, the sparks flying as swords met shields. I took my bow from my back, ready. The Battle had finally begun.

Alistair climbed up onto the remains of a building, a little way off the battle. He turned back to his troops. The army halted and waited for his final speech.

"Before us stands the might of the darkspawn horde. Gaze upon them now, but fear them not! Today we save Denerim. Today we avenge the death of my brother, King Cailan! But most of all, today we show the Grey Wardens that we remember and honour their sacrifice!" He stared at me for a second, letting the words sink in. I felt the others turn to look at me. I glanced at Leliana, seeing the sadness in her eyes. Unable to see the pain I was causing I turned back to Alistair. He took out his sword and walked down from the ruins, holding it out to the Darkspawn Horde ahead of us. "For Ferelden! FOR THE GREY WARDENS!"

A huge roar echoed through the night as the army charged. I felt the adrenaline surge through me as I ran alongside Leliana and the others towards the battle, holding my bow tightly as a lifeline. _This is it. My final battle. _We ran as fast as we could. I felt nothing of the strain from the long march here. I was free. As we neared, the Darkspawn began to form ranks. They tossed the bodies of Arl Eamonn's army aside and waited as we approached. As soon as I was near enough I began to fire arrow after arrow, seeing the Darkspawn crumple to the ground. The sight gave me satisfaction. I would take every one of the bastards with me if I could.

We carved our way into the city. I could feel that familiar burn in my muscles as I swung my daggers at the Darkspawn, cutting off their heads, covering myself in their blood. There was nothing like the satisfaction from sticking your blade into another living beings flesh. I revelled in every blow. Inside the city walls we found Riordan and the rest of Arl Eamonn's army.

"Good you made it inside," he said breathlessly as we approached. "The Arch Demon is up ahead. I will lead your men through the city towards it. Once I engage it, it will call all its generals to protect it. I suggest you and take Alistair and no more than two others with you to take out these Generals before I get the Dragons' attention. The other armies you have collected are spread throughout the city and can help you if you need it."

I nodded. "Where can we find these Generals?"

"I'm sensing two in the city. One in the Market district and one near the Alienage. Hurry! Once I get the Arch Demon's attention all its eyes will be on me!"

He turned and ran, the King's army following him. I looked at Alistair. Leliana and Wynne were standing beside him. _I guess we've decided who the two others are who are coming into the city with us._ I looked at Leliana.

"You don't have to come," I said sadly. She stared into my eyes and I felt the same sensation as always: that we were the only two people in the world. I fought back the feeling. _It will be over soon, Navarre."_

She walked towards me. Alistair and Wynne watched as she reached out and touched my face. I could see the regret in her eyes. The warmth of her skin was more inviting than ever...and hurt so much more than before.

"I love you, Navarre..."

Her words brought tears to my eyes. My broken heart swelled. I swallowed hard. I saw Wynne give me a serious look from over Leliana's shoulder. _Don't do it, she is saying._ Leliana was waiting for my response. I reached out and placed my own hand on her face.

"Leliana..." I said gently. She smiled at my use of her name. It was the first time I had ever called any of them by their names. _I never called anyone their name to their face unless I had respect for them._ I stared into her eyes, feeling the warmth of her cheek under my hand as I tried to put into one action more than I could ever explain to her. "I...Goodbye..."

I let my hand fall away and pulled out my weapons, walking past her towards the Market district without another word. I glanced at Wynne as I passed. _There, I did as you asked. _I heard Leliana sniff once behind me then heard her footsteps as she followed me. Alistair and Wynne silently followed us both towards the next battle.

* * *

When we reached the Market District we were overcome by chaos. Men, woman and children lay dead all around us and those who had not yet perished were running for their lives, screaming as a massive horde of giant ogres approached us. Realising we could not fight them alone I grabbed the horn which I had wrapped around me and blew it, calling any of our nearby allies to help us. After several minutes the Dalish elves appeared: _My people. _I felt a surge of pride as they came to our aid, raining their arrows down on the blasted beasts before us. _You can never escape the aim of a Dalish hunter. _

I aimed my own arrow at the last ogre and watched as it stumbled. Realising the arrow wasn't enough to completely kill it I charged forwards, taking out my blades at the same time and lunged towards the ogre, burying my daggers in its chest. It screamed out in pain and fell backwards, bringing me along with it as I held onto my daggers twisting them in the wounds. It hit the ground with a noise as loud as thunder. I took out my daggers and jumped from atop its giant body, landing gracefully on the ground. I turned back to the others. They were all staring at me in awe.

"What?" I asked, wondering why they were looking at me like that. Alistair shook his head in disbelief.

"You really are crazy Navarre, but...that was impressive!" he exclaimed. I rolled my eyes and turned towards the Alienage, beckoning them to follow. _All I did was take down a damn ogre. What was so special about that? Especially since there was bigger game._

Screaming elves greeted us as we entered the Alienage. I heard a familiar voice among them, scolding them for leaving the Alienage unprotected.

"Shianni!"

The red headed elf girl was standing with a bow over her shoulder and with three of her friends. He face lit up as soon as she saw me.

"Navarre!" she shouted. I was surprised she had remembered my name. She ran towards me, battling her way through the crowds.

"Maker's Breath, am I glad to see a Grey Warden. The Darkspawn are approaching the Alienage gate. What do we do?" she asked when she reached me.

"Do you know how to use that?" I asked, gesturing to her bow.

"Well enough," She said, "I'm no Dalish but I can handle myself."

I smiled at her. "Good. I had thought as much when we first met. Stay with us and defend the gate then. We will need all the help we can get."

Shianni nodded. "Finally someone with the right mindset as me! You heard the lady, get going" she shouted to her friends. They ran with us to the city gate. Some of the Dalish elves placed themselves around the balconies on either side of the gate. I arranged my companions and the city elves in front of the gate along with the remaining Dalish.

"Don't do anything until I say!" I commanded, staring down the line at them all. A few of the elves looked scared. _I can't blame them. _We could hear the ominous march of the oncoming horde as we waited with baited breath. I turned to my right where Shianni stood. The elf girl looked afraid but determined. I felt an urge to protect her from what ever came through those gates. She was worthy of respect. She met my gaze. I nodded to her encouragingly. She nodded back, her jaw set. I turned to my left where Leliana stood. She was calm as always though I could see a thin line of perspiration forming on her head as she glanced at the giant gate anxiously. She felt my eyes on her and turned to me. I smiled at her. _She always said I should smile more often_. Leliana smiled back, and I was sure she was thinking the same thing.

The marching got louder. We could hear the rattling breath of the Darkspawn as they approached the gate. My hand clinging to my bow was moist. Suddenly the Dalish on the balconies began to fire their arrows. _They must be close now. _A loud bang confirmed my suspicion as the Alienage gates shook on their hinges. A few of the City Elves jumped in fear. The lines of soldiers I had made shifted uncomfortably. A few of the elves ran.

"Hold the line!" I shouted as the city elves that left spoiled the formations I had created to defend against the Horde. My voice was drowned out by another loud bang. The hinge on the gate threatened to break as more pressure was put on it. I could see the outline of an Ogre Alpha on the other side, attacking the only thing that separated us from the Darkspawn. I held up my hand, signalling for the elves and Leliana to aim their bows. All of them obeyed and we watched as the gates began to crumble. With one final push, the gate smashed down before us. The Darkspawn spilled into the Alienage towards us. I let them approach.

"FIRE!" I shouted.

The first volley flew over my head and the Darkspawn's line fell. I held up my hand again waiting for the perfect moment to stop them all at once.

"FIRE!"

The second volley soared through the air and felled the Darkspawn who followed. They were getting too close now. As a few of the Dalish archers fired at will, I took out my daggers signalling for the others to imitate me.

"CHARGE!"

We ran towards the oncoming Horde and engaged them in battle, forcing them back towards the bridge. The battle was bloody. I saw many City Elves fall to their deaths before they even got to swing their weapons. As I fought the Darkspawn around me I kept one eye fixed on Shianni. The girl was holding her own, working together with her friends. One of them seemed to be incredibly skilled and was looking out for the others. She had tanned skin and blonde hair. There was a tall blonde muscular elf beside her, protecting her as though she was his wife. Realising Shianni was safe I charged forwards to take down the Ogre Alpha.

After hours of battle the Alienage was finally saved, for the time being anyway. The two Generals were dead, leaving Riordan more of a chance to reach the Arch Demon. I pulled my dagger from a Genlock and straightened up, taking in the scene. There were so many dead bodies littering the ground that I didn't know where to step. Shianni and her friends approached me. I was glad to see they were still standing.

"You may not be Dalish but you certainly know how to handle a bow," I said to her impressed. She smiled.

"I guess..." she answered shrugging. "My cousin Tabris is the real fighter though, not me." She gestured to the blonde elf girl beside her.

"So I seen," I replied. "That was impressive."

"Thank you Dalish," Tabris replied. She spoke with the same cocky voice as Shianni but there was something more mature about her. Shianni held out a ring.

"I want you to have this," she said, "For luck."

"Thank you but...I don't need luck where I'm going..."

She seemed to understand my meaning. "Even so, take it as thanks for helping us defend our home."

I reluctantly took the ring from her, knowing that she couldn't have had much to begin with.

"Ma serannas, Lethalan" I replied in Elven, bowing my head. I could tell she didn't understand but grasped my meaning anyway. She and her cousin and the tall blonde elf man bowed back, showing me the same respect that Dalish showed each other.

"Come Shianni, Nelaros, we have to get out of here before the Darkspawn return," Tabris said to the others. They both nodded and followed her out of the Alienage. I watched them go before turning around and taking a look around for my companions. Leliana was nursing a cut on her arm, sitting on a low wall. I walked towards her.

"Are you alright?" I asked. She nodded, avoiding my eyes. I knelt down beside her, pulling out a health kit from my pack. I began to dress the wound.

"You've changed," she said to me, as I bandaged her arm.

"I haven't," I replied grimly.

"Since when have you ever offered to clean someone's wound before?" she asked.

"Since I realised I was never going to be around to do anything else for them..." I replied sadly. Leliana grabbed my hand as I finished tying the bandage. I looked up at her. Her eyes bore into mine.

"Why couldn't you say it, Navarre?" she asked. I hesitated.

"I..."

"Navarre!" Alistair's shout interrupted. I turned to him. He was pointing up at the red sky. I didn't need to ask why. A massive purple dragon was flying across the sky with someone attached to its wing. _Riordan! _Everyone's eyes were on the sky, watching the Grey Warden as he clung on to the sword he had buried in the Dragon's wing. It flew against buildings trying to shake him off. Suddenly, as the beast flew higher, Riordan slipped. His blade cut through the Arch Demon's wing and he lost his grip. I watched with disbelief as the human fell from the sky and plummeted to his death. He seemed to fall for an eternity. I felt numb as we heard the dull thud of his body hitting the ground. My hearing went and I began to feel dizzy as the total shock at what had just happened hit me. It was a while before I noticed Alistair's screams.

I sat down on the ground, staring at the bloodstained gravel below me, the full magnitude of my task now coming into light. _This really was the end._ Why is it that when you realise you are going to die, everything suddenly looks more beautiful? I stared at the faces of all the elves that surrounded me, City Elves and Dalish alike. Then I stared at the humans. I guess it didn't really matter what race we all were or what had been done to us in the past. We were all mortal now. Elves and humans had been fighting for years and got no where. What was the point of all this hatred when we had just proved we could all fight together side by side? _I'm glad I finally realised that before my time is up._ I looked up at the Arch Demon which had fallen to the top of Fort Drakon. _It's my turn now. Riordan did his part. It's all up to me. _I turned to Leliana, seeing the fear in her eyes as she stared at me. I knew she was thinking the same thing. I took a deep breath and picked myself up off the ground for the last time. Taking out my bow once more, I walked towards the bridge which led from the Alienage to Fort Drakon. My companions, knowing where I was heading followed me without question. They knew what came next, just as I. It was time.


	6. Chapter 6

I fought my way through the battlefield, running towards the doors to Fort Drakon. I could sense Alistair, Wynne and Leliana behind me, trying to keep up. The soldiers around us cheered as we passed, knowing we were rushing to the top of the tower to confront the Archdemon. I couldn't hear the encouraging words they shouted to us. My mind was focused entirely on the last thing that would threaten my being. _This was my final adventure. _

The door to Fort Drakon was ajar, half hanging off its hinges. I ran inside, knowing where the stairs up were after seeing them when I was trying to escape from the prison. That day seemed like a lifetime ago already. We climbed the stairs as fast as we could, not wanting to give the Archdemon time to recover and gather its forces. The burning in my lungs as I ran didn't bother me as much as it did the rest of them. _My breaths were already limited. I intended to make everyone of them count._ The others fell behind slightly, exhausted from the climb. After what felt like an age we finally reached the top. I sprinted to the last door that separated me from my destiny.

"Wait!" Leliana exclaimed.

I turned back to her, surprised. Her voice sounded hysterical. She had stopped running and froze to the spot. I could see the fear in her eyes, and the anguish. She stared at me, a desperate expression on her face, reluctant to let me go. Alistair and Wynne had stopped as well. They looked from Leliana to me.

"What's wrong?" I asked, walking a few steps back towards her. She shook her head. I could see the tears in her blue eyes.

"_Navarre_..." she whimpered.

I closed the last gap between us and took her face in my hands.

"I have to do this, Leliana...I don't have a choice..." I said, looking into her eyes, trying to make her understand my decision. She was the only thing holding me to his world...and I had to let her go. She grabbed my outstretched arms, as though wanting to hold onto them forever. I could feel the coldness of my hand pressed against the warmness of her face. _A contrast. Opposites attracting and feeling as though they could coexist without destroying themselves._ A single tear fell down Leliana's cheek, soaking my hand.

"I don't want you to go..." she cried softly. I watched as a tear fell from her other eye. Without thinking, without wanting to think, I leaned in towards her for the first and last time and placed my lips on hers. The feeling was something that I knew I could never describe, and something that I knew I would never feel again. She was slow to react, surprised by my actions. As soon as I felt her lips move under mine in response, I pulled back and headed out of the door before she could open her eyes again.

* * *

On the top of the tower the Archdemon stood. There were soldiers surrounding it, Kings Men by the looks of it. The ground was littered with charred remains and dismembered bodies. A river of deep red blood leaked through the cracks in the concrete and trickled towards me. My presence got the Archdemon's attention. _It senses the taint in me. _The creature dropped the unlucky soldier in its grip and turned to me, straightening up to its full height in one threatening motion. I stared up at the beast, my daggers ready and waiting in my hands. The Archdemon screeched into the night, piercing the ears of all those nearby. It turned back to me, mouth agape as purple flames built in the back it its throat. I was ready though. With a shriek of my own I ran towards it, sliding down onto my knees as the flames sprayed over my head. I ran the sharp blade of my dagger along the underside of the Archdemon's neck as I slid underneath its massive head.

As soon as my motion was finished I ran out from under its legs before it even realised I was there. It turned its attention to me again, ready to strike once more. I could see the thin scrap my blade had made against its skin. _Its armor is too thick. My weapons won't work against these scales. _Before I had time to think of my next attack another dose of purple flame was directed towards me. Instinctively I dived behind a giant piece of the tower which had crumbled. My bow fell from my back as I did. I scrambled across the ground to catch it and watched in dismay as it fell to the ground below. _Damn it!_ I could feel the stone melt under the excessive heat of the dragon's flames. Keeping my head low, I crawled along behind the rubble trying to find more suitable cover as the fire raged above me. The flames suddenly subsided and I peeked out from my hiding spot. The Archdemon had lost me for the time being and rediscovered the other soldiers. I watched as it grabbed two at once and crunched their bodies together. I could hear the bones break from where I lay. It was a sickening sound.

The dragon had its back to me now. I jumped up and bounced over the rubble that had concealed me, running towards the Archdemon once more. Placing my daggers in their sheathes, I then dodged the long thrashing tail and leapt up onto the dragons back, using the spikes and scales to help me climb. The Archdemon released the soldiers at once and began to thrash, trying to shake me off. I could see its torn wing, pouring with black blood. _Riordan's work. At least he stopped it from being able to fly. _As the Archdemon flailed about in irritation, I used the evenly spaced spikes on its back to make my way up towards its spine. Taking care, I sat myself down on its back as though riding a horse and pulled one of my daggers from my back. Holding it tightly in both hands I buried it in the Archdemon's back. The Dragon screeched as I used all the energy I had left in me trying to pierce its skin. For all my strength though, the wound was not deep. I looked down in shock, seeing that my dagger had actually bent and cracked under the strain.

Suddenly the Archdemon crashed into a nearby wall in its frustration. Before I could react I was being showered with bricks and massive chunks of stone. The bent blade slipped from my grasp and I fell to the ground, feeling my skin cut from all different angles as I landed roughly on the pieces of debris below. I coughed as the force of the fall winded me. I got to my feet. Before I could regain myself the agonizing thrash of the Archdemon's tail connected with my midsection. I flew threw the air and landed in a heap about thirty feet from where I originally was. Blood spurted from my mouth. The dragon turned its evil eyes to me. It threw back its head and screeched into the air. My skin crawled. I knew it was calling all its forces to its side. My tainted blood felt a gentle tug at its call and I knew it would be seconds before the Darkspawn Horde responded. Reaching down to the horn at my side I was relieved to see it was still intact. I held it to my mouth and blew as hard as I could (the blow to the chest had severely winded me). The sound echoed almost as loud as the Arch Demon's cry. For one split second the beast and I stared into each others eyes, both of us waiting for our reinforcements.

Suddenly the tower doors all around us burst open. Alistair, Leliana and Wynne were there first. They were no doubt waiting anxiously for the sound of the horn, waiting for when they were needed to fight, just like I had ordered them to do. Then the elves came, the dwarves, the humans and the mages we had worked so hard to collect this past year. My other companions were still holding the city gate as I had directed them to. I saw my army flinch at the sight of the Archdemon before them. The sheer size of it was imposing enough. _Tell me about it, I just fell from its back! _ Wynne spotted me lying on the ground a long distance away, holding my ribs, and still spluttering blood. I saw the blue spell rise up from her staff and followed it as it sore towards me. As soon as it hit me my limbs felt rejuvenated, my cracked ribs healed. _Useful trick! _I spat the last of the blood from my mouth and stood up just on time to see the entire top of the tower overcome by Darkspawn.

As the two armies clashed on the giant rooftop the Archdemon became distracted. I used the time to take in my surroundings. Suddenly my eyes caught a ballista. I rushed to it to see if it still worked. There were bolts a short distance away in large over flowing crates. A few of them had cracked and spilled the bolts onto the ground. I pushed the body of a dead soldier from the ballista and turned it towards the Archdemon, quickly loading it. Without hesitation I released the bolt. It pierced the Archdemon's tough scales as I had hoped. The dragon screeched in pain. _Finally something that hurts it!_ Before it could turn its attention to me I shot more bolts, hearing renewed cries as they littered its body. With one mighty sweep of its wings the dragon attempted to fly. Those nearby were swept off their feet with the force. After one failed attempt the Archdemon tried again. This time it managed to get in the air. After flying several metres though, the beast fell from the sky and landed a short distance away from me.

I quickly tuned the ballista to face it once more and bombarded it with metal bolts. _Die you cursed beast! _The Archdemon whined continuously as it was assaulted by bolt after bolt. I could see the tainted black blood spilling from the tiny piercing wounds all over its body. There were too many of them to count. _It's working! _

Just as the thought entered my head, the ballista jammed. _Come on! Not now...Not when I'm so close! _The Archdemon was on the verge of defeat. I saw it's strength wane. It let out one last ear piercing screech that grabbed the attention of every single race of being on the rooftop. All eyes, tainted and untainted creatures alike, were drawn to the massive dragon as it swayed on its feet. It stared down at me where I was desperately trying to un-jam the ballista for one final assault. I looked up at the beast. Its mouth opened. I could see the last of its purple flames building in the back of its throat ready to scald me.

I darted out from behind the ballista towards the Archdemon, grabbing a long sword protruding from a Darkspawn corpse as I ran. I could feel the eyes of hundreds of people on me as I charged headfirst into danger without hesitation. _This is the moment I've been waiting for. This is the end. _I held the sword in both hands as I sprinted towards the evil beast before me, my war cry echoing in the night, raging from the pit of stomach and tearing at my throat. The Archdemon replied. It released a screech of its own and directed its fire at me for the last time. I dodged to the side and jumped high into the air, slashing the side of the Archdemon's neck with the giant sword.

The dragon flopped to the ground with a crash which shook the entire fort. The blade had cut almost half way through its scales. I turned back, seeing the massive head of the Arch Demon just inches from me. I could hear its struggled breaths, see the debris fill the air with each exhale from its giant nostrils. I turned back to my companions. Every single eye was upon me, every mouth agape. In a split second I had found Leliana in the crowd. My gaze caught hers for the last time. I felt a gentle tug at my heart. I raised the massive long sword over my head using every last ounce of my strength. The Archdemon twitched, trying to escape. I brought the blade down as hard as I could, yelling with a ferocity that I never knew I possessed. I felt the blade sink through the weakened scales of the dragons head. As soon as I made contact everything happened at once.

The essence of the Arch Demon began to spill out, lighting up the entire sky. I felt the blade shake and shudder wildly in my grasp under the strain. I grasped it with everything I had. Every single muscle in my body threatened to tear under the strain. An unseen force was holding me. It was sucking me in. Another scream left my lungs. Fort Drakon shook under my feet. I could almost feel the poisonous soul from the Arch Demon as it left its host. _Is this it? _I wondered why death didn't hurt as much as I wanted it to. Soon the pressure on the blade began to be too much. _I have to take it out! _I began to pull the blade up, trying to remove it from the Arch Demons skull.

"ARRGGGGHHHHHHHH!"

With one final tug I yanked the blade from the head of the Arch Demon and the entire world exploded.

* * *

"**Navarre...?"**

I could hear my name. There was an unbearable pain throughout my entire body, paralysing me. _Am I dead?_ The voice called again. It was female. It sounded familiar.

"**Navarre...?"**

Suddenly I felt a hand touch my head.

_Get up, Lethalan, _a second voice voice was male. It was different than the first, yet also familiar. The last time I had heard it was in a cave...with a mirror.

"Is that...you?" I asked. The first voice continued, drowning out the second.

"I can't hear you..." I said to them both, trying to distinguish between them.

"**Navarre...?"**

_Open your eyes._

"I can't" I replied, talking to the male voice. The first didn't seem to understand my words.

_Yes you can, my friend._

"**Navarre can you hear me?"**

"Why can't I speak to them?" I asked the second voice.

_You need to open your eyes, Lethalan, before it's too late!_

"Too late?" I repeated, "Too late for what?"

_Trust me Navarre. Do it now!_

"But I don't know how!" I replied.

"**Navarre...Answer me please!"**

_You're not ready for this place yet, Lethalan. You must open your eyes._

My head hurt as I tried to do as the second voice asked. Something was preventing me from opening my eyes like he told me to though.

"I can't do it!" I cried.

_You have to let me go, Navarre. It's the only way..._

"No!" I exclaimed, "Never..."

"**Navarre...wake up!"**

_Please my friend...You must. I do not blame you for what happened. So you mustn't blame yourself either._

"But I love you," I replied.

_And I you, Lethalan, but I am no more. You can't follow me...You must let me go..._

I knew he was right but I just couldn't say the words.

_Goodbye my friend..._

"...Goodbye... Tamlen..."

As soon as I uttered his name I felt my eyes open and the pain leave me.

* * *

The ceiling above me was a bright white, blinding the freshness of my eyes. I blinked a few times adjusting to the light and exhaled. The only thing I could hear was birds chirping somewhere in the distance. _Am I dead? _I seemed to be lying on some sort of bed. I turned to glance around at the rest of my surroundings. I froze. The room was full of people. Every one of them was staring at me.

They moved simultaneously closer towards me and began to speak all at once.

"Maker's Breath, she's awake!"

"Navarre!"

"Are you alright?"

"Oh thank The Maker!"

I didn't know if I could speak. I felt confused. _Where am I? _My eyes found a red headed woman. Something had drawn me towards her. I stared at her helplessly, silently questioning my existence. I could tell she understood.

"Can you give us a moment?" she asked everyone. The heads all turned to look back at her in surprise. The constant chattering stopped immediately. A few of them glanced from me to her. I was yet to take my eyes off hers. The old woman got to her feet first and walked towards the door, placing a gentle hand on the red heads' shoulder as she passed. The others reluctantly followed her out the door. As soon as they had left I felt safer. I swallowed hard, still unsure of whether or not I could speak.

She moved closer to me, cautiously, trying to gauge my expression. The woman sat herself down on the bed where I lay. She reached out slowly and I felt her warm hand take mine. I closed my fingers around hers, feeling terrified.

"Am I dead?" I asked. My voice sounded muffled and weak. _What is going on? _The woman shook her head and smiled slightly.

"How...?" I breathed. I shook my head, staring at her in shock. I moved my mouth as though trying to speak again but no sound came out. A gentle finger pressed over my lips, quietening me.

"Sshhh..."she soothed, shaking her head slowly, "Don't talk..."

The finger caressed my lip softly before travelling to my chin. I felt her hand touch my face and closed my eyes. _I must be dead._ Suddenly warm lips pressed down on mine. I felt something within me stir as I raised my hand to her face, and then ran it through her red hair. The sweet taste from her tongue as it massaged mine. It was slow, passionate, the kind that took your breath away. _I never thought I could feel this way again._ I felt my head grow light, wanting nothing more than to stay here forever, even though I didn't really knowing where 'here' was.

Her lips left mine. I could feel her exhale as our faces remained inches apart. I could still taste the sweetness of her lips on mine. The only sound was our breathing. We were both frozen in the moment, eyes still closed, feeling the full effect of the kiss take us. I ran my hand through her hair once more, bringing us reluctantly back to our senses. She straightened up.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting for that," she said earnestly. I held her hand in mine.

"Leliana..."

She smiled again, like she had the first time I had uttered her name. Then the smile slid from her face.

"I couldn't do it, Navarre...I couldn't sit back and watch you throw your life away like it was nothing...It hurt too much..."

I was confused. "What do you mean?" I asked.

She looked reluctant to say what was on her mind.

"I went to look for Morrigan after we spoke that last night back in Redcliffe. She had almost left but I chased after her...begged her to come back," Leliana said painfully. A look of regret crossed her face. "I convinced him to do it...There was a chance it wouldn't work though..."

My mind swirled with all that she had said. _The ritual had been done behind my back_. The coldness between Alistair and Leliana at the battle suddenly made sense. _She had persuaded him sleep with Morrigan, to have the baby with her which would save my life. _Morrigan remaining with us for the battle also made sense now as well. _The witch got what she wanted._ I couldn't process what Leliana was saying. I couldn't process that fact that I was alive.

"Why?" I whispered. _Why would she sacrifice what she could have had with Alistair on a risky ritual which might not have worked anyway? _Her eyes bore into mine, tearing down my defensive walls as it so often did.

"Because you were too stubborn to save yourself...so I did it for you..."

"Leliana..."

"You lied to me Navarre! You told me you could never love anyone else but I saw it in your eyes...And it hurt so bad that you couldn't admit it...I had to save you...I had to save you from yourself."

My face fell as I relieved all the pain I had put her through. My hatred had blinded me to what she was offering me and I had condemned myself to death just to escape how I really felt. Everything that had happened in my past had made me cold inside, preventing me from accepting her love.

"But even then you couldn't admit it," she continued, "Even when you were seconds away from death you still couldn't admit your feelings for me...I don't know if I can help you anymore, Navarre. I thought I could, but..."

Her face fell. I sat up straight as best I could, considering the amount of strain my body was under. _I'm not going to make the same mistake over and over again. _I reached out and took Leliana's face in my hands, staring into her eyes. I took a deep breath.

"I love you," I said with as much feeling as I possessed.

Leliana's eyes widened, her mouth falling open. "What?" she asked in disbelief.

I smiled at her, the first real smile I had worn in who knew how long. "I love you," I repeated.

She seemed frozen with surprise. Then she mirrored my smile.

"I love you, too..."

Without another word I pulled her into an embrace. It was the first time I had been hugged in..._I don't remember._ It felt strange. I melted into her arms, feeling blessed by the gods. She buried her face in my neck.

"Thank you for saving me," I said into her ear.

"You saved my life once before...I was returning the favour..." I heard her answer in mine.

I started to laugh. "I tried to kill you once before too..."

"Hmm...I'll have to think about that," she joked. I chuckled.

We pulled apart and our lips met again. This time with more enthusiasm, more purpose. I felt her weight press down on me as she guided my head back to the pillow. The warmness of her body didn't seem to bother me as much anymore as it lay against mine. I ran my hands down her waist, holding her close as she hovered above me. Her kiss moved from my mouth to my neck, the wetness of her tongue caressing along my collarbone. _By the Gods! _Her hands began to slowly and skilfully unbutton the long shirt I seemed to be wearing. I reached for the strings on the back of her dress and pulled the longest one, feeling the knot release. I brought my hands to her shoulders, gradually beginning to slide the dress down her torso, following it to her waist and along her curves. As soon as our naked bodies touched I panicked. _What am I supposed to do? _I froze underneath her weight. Leliana felt my hesitation. She pulled back and looked at me.

"Are you alright?" she asked concerned.

I nodded, swallowing over the lump that had formed in my throat. "I...It's just...I've never...I mean I have, but..."

Leliana smiled, understanding. "...Never with a woman?" she finished.

I shook my head, confirming her words. _Why was that so difficult for me to say?_ I suddenly felt insecure and could sense my self wanting to flee, like I did every time I felt uncomfortable. Leliana ran her hand through my hair affectionately. I lost myself in her eyes.

"Don't worry," she whispered, "I'll take care of you Navarre...Trust me..."

_Trust. _I stared at her, feeling afraid. _Can I trust someone again? Can I trust a Shem? _I could see the sincerity in her eyes as they bore into mine. _She wasn't just a Shem to me anymore. She was so much more than that_. After several seconds I nodded.

"I trust you," I whispered.

Her face lit up at my words and she smiled, before leaning down to kiss me once more. I tried to relax, realising I was opening myself up to her completely. _She knows how big of a step this is for me. _My worries soon fell away with the gentle cajole of her tongue on mine. Her hand began to trace down my neck and down along my chest, resting against my breast, rubbing along it, then continuing further down. I could feel her fingers trickling along my abdomen, teasing, seductive, making my muscles tense, then exploring along the v line of my pelvis. It was then I knew I was in trouble. Her magical fingers traced along the contours of my body enticing, torturing, before going lower...lower...I was unable to keep silent as her fingers found what they had been searching for. She chuckled seductively as she heard me moan with pleasure.

"Does that feel good?" she whispered.

Another moan escaped me, answering her question. _Mercy of the Gods! _I closed my eyes, biting down hard on my bottom lip as I felt the sweet sense of pain and pleasure rise up from somewhere within me. I felt Leliana's lips on mine once more, claiming my attention again. I grazed my teeth along her bottom lip, hearing her inhale sharply, aroused by the slight pain it caused her. As my arousal grew I felt the beads of sweat drip down my neck. I could feel the heat coming from Leliana above me and closed my eyes as the overwhelming sensation of her touch overcame me.

A while later we lay spent on the sweat soaked sheets. Leliana rested her head on my bosom, her finger lightly circling around a dark bruise where my left arm met my shoulder.

"Does it hurt?" she asked

"No," I answered. _My whole body hurts. _

Leliana looked up at me, and smiled. I stared back at her, unable to hide my own smile. Never in all the time I had known her did I think she would ever have fallen love with me, and that I would equally fall in love with her. _I didn't think my broken heart was capable of such things any more. _I had finally let _him _go. I looked up at the ceiling as he appeared in my mind.

"You're thinking about _him?"_ she asked. I stared back down at her, not realising she was still watching me. She could see right through me. I nodded.

"I think...I think I've finally let _him _go..." I answered sadly. Leliana smiled understandingly.

"I know it's hard," she said, "Give it time...It'll get easier."

"I can't keep living in the past. _He's _gone and _he's _never coming back," I answered. I felt the full force of my words hit me. I stared down at Leliana as she waited for me to say his name finally. "T-Tamlen..."

As soon as his name left my lips I felt a sense of release. It had been the final tie that I had been holding on to. The final hurdle that kept tripping me up. I felt an empty space in my heart as soon as I said it. Leliana stroked my face and smiled up me. I stared down at her again. Suddenly the empty feeling went away. Strange, if I could have done this earlier I could have saved both Leliana and myself all the needless pain._ Or maybe the pain was what I needed to help me come to terms with his death. _I leaned down and kissed Leliana. She smiled at me and rested her head on me once more.

* * *

I stood in the middle of the giant hallway, feeling the stares of everyone on me. _Only this time it was for a good reason. _Alistair addressed the ladies and gentlemen of the Landsmeet, addressing me a "The Hero of Ferelden." A human title didn't mean much to me but I gratefully accepted the boon he offered me for my service to Ferelden and requested land for my people.

"Let it be known then that the land in the south known as The Hinterlands, including Ostagar will be granted to the Dalish."

The massive crowed that filled the Royal Palace cheered and clapped. I squeezed Leliana's hand and turned to look at her. She squeezed my fingers in reassurance. Even though it was for a good reason, I still wasn't comfortable with all these people staring at me. One smile from the Bard calmed my insecurities though and she led me towards King Alistair as the crowed dispersed after the ceremony.

"Thank you for all you have done, Navarre," he said stiffly. His eyes caught Leliana's hand in mine and lingered there for a moment before he stared up at us both. Leliana kissed my cheek and left us to talk privately.

"Thank you...Alistair," I said. He raised his eyebrows upon hearing me mention his name.

"So now I have your respect, Navarre?" he asked sceptically. "What are you thanking me for?"

"For...the ritual..." I said awkwardly.

Alistair shrugged. "I didn't do it for you...I did it for her..." He stared after Leliana regretfully, "But...you're welcome. Even though we had our ups and downs...It was an _experience _travelling with you, Navarre."

I nodded, "Likewise."

"I don't expect we'll ever see each other again," he said.

"Who knows?" I answered, "If we do hopefully it will be under better circumstances."

He chuckled slightly and nodded in agreement. Alistair held out his hand to me expectantly. I reached out and grabbed it tightly. We shook hands for the final time, a parting of ways.

A sudden tap on the shoulder made me jump. I released Alistair's hand and turned. There, standing before me, dressed in her best was Ashalle. _My adoptive mother for all purposes._

"Ashalle?" I exclaimed, "Mythal! What are you doing here? I thought the clan went north?"

She smiled. "Andaran atish'an, Lethalan! When I heard the news I knew I had to see you. I wouldn't have missed this day for the world."

My first happy instinct at seeing her was replaced with the hurt I had suffered over the last year when the clan cast me away. _She wouldn't miss this day?_

"You didn't mind missing any of the other days of my existence..." I replied sadly. Ashalle's face fell.

"I'm so sorry Navarre," she said, "It killed me to watch you go that day. You were so young, hurting over Tamlen. Ir abelas, ma vhenan, Lethalan. Keeper Marethari made her decision though. Duncan needed a recruit and you were always a talented hunter."

"Don't speak to me of Marethari!" I said bitterly. "She abandoned me, Ashalle. You know it as well as I."

"She regretted everyday what she did to you, Navarre." Ashalle answered.

"Only because all she gave me when she cast me out was a damn ring that was no use to fight against a Blight! What did she think I was going to do with it? Throw it at the Archdemon's head and hope it would knock it unconscious?" I could feel my temper rising. A few people close by were starting to stare at us. _Those are the stares I'm used to...The old Navarre's back._

Ashalle's eyes filled with tears as she looked down at my ring-less hands. "You threw it away...?" she asked sadly, unable to believe it. "How could you child? Marethari embedded that ring with powerful magic to watch over you and keep you safe...You didn't need anything else..."

I felt a pang of guilt as I stared at my hands. _Powerful magic? _I stared at Ashalle, feeling ashamed of myself.

"I-"

"Navarre, here are your things back!"

Leliana cut across me as I made to speak and held out her hand. Confused, I turned the palm of my hand upwards, allowing her to give me what ever she had. I gasped as The Keeper's ring and my family heirloom necklace fell into my hand. I looked up at her in shock.

"Navarre had planned to die for us all in this Blight", Leliana said, addressing Ashalle. "She gave me the ring and necklace as a goodbye."

Ashalle's hurt expression turned to a proud smile. I tried to hide my surprise at Leliana's words. _By the Creators, she got me out of trouble there._

"What a lovely sentiment, Navarre," Ashalle said to me. She held out her hand. "May I see them? They look to be in good condition except for the chain of the necklace being broke. I thinkt that could be fixed..." I reached out and pulled Leliana aside as Ashalle examined the jewellery.

"I can't believe you kept those!" I said quietly to her, in awe. She smiled at me.

"I knew you were just upset, Navarre. When you left me in the forest and returned to camp I picked them up and kept them safe in case you ever changed your mind," she replied. I shook my head in disbelief.

"You're unbelievable," I said, smiling back at her. I leaned in and kissed her in thanks, before throwing my arms around her. Wynne smiled at me from over her shoulder, happy to see us together at last. I smiled back at the old mage. _She wasn't all that bad._

"Who is your friend, Lethalan?" Ashalle called to me. I looked from Ashalle to Leliana and smiled. I reached down and took Leliana's hand, leading her over to the woman who had raised me from I was born. Leliana stared at me curiously, wondering why I was being so formal.

"This is Leliana, Ashalle. She's...special to me..." I said smiling at Leliana. Ashalle bowed her head.

"Andaran atish'an Leliana, I am Ashalle. I've looked after Navarre my whole life. She's like a daughter to me, " she said. Realization overcame Leliana. _Ashalle was the closest thing I had to a mother._

"Nice to meet you, Ashalle," Leliana said, bowing back.

She turned to look at me and reached out to brush my hair behind my ears. Our eyes met. I could feel Ashalle reading our facial expressions, putting two and two together.

"You are more than friends I gather?" she asked. I tightened my grip around Leliana's hand and turned back to Ashalle.

"Much more," I repeated. Ashalle smiled widely at us both.

"I'm so happy for you, Lethalan. It must have been hard to let poor Tamlen go... I only hope that Leliana is as special to you as he once was."

I turned to Leliana and stroked her face with my free hand. The cold, harsh, unfeeling person I had been for so long was gradually fading. I was beginning to rediscover who I had been before the Blight and all that had come with it. As I stared into the Orlesian woman's eyes I realised that she was the reason. I smiled.

"She is, Ashalle...She saved my life."

* * *

Thanks for reading guys :) Hope you all enjoyed it. Reviews would be welcome as they help me improve my writing and I also love hearing what people think of my work whether it be good or bad. Thank you to those who have reviewed already XD If anyone has any story requests send me a pm and if I like the idea I'll write it. Stay tuned for more stories soon. Adios ;)


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